Firefly1234

2010-01-13T00:50:00.000-05:00

I love you too.

-- Sent from my Palm Prē

2009-11-14T12:56:00.000-05:00

This is the haul for 2009. I believe she is pleased. :)

2009-11-13T07:00:00.001-05:00

The Pirate and the Vampire... :)

Hallowe'en Fun

2009-11-13T06:58:00.001-05:00

Sheay was a Vampire this year... she loved the wig I got for her... she got lots of compliments on her outfit and had a great tine out

2009-09-25T09:17:00.002-04:00

I've debated posting anything ... but I think perhaps I might need to.

I am still in shock. Almost as though it is not real.

I am still waiting for my daily "Guten Morgen" text from my best friend. Kirstie was tickled to know and correctly spell good morning in German with no coaching from me whatsoever. Every evening I would wish her a good night, and tell her we'd talk the next day.

Since Kirstie got her texting plan some time last year, we've gotten closer and closer. Such a simple thing, a text message, yet it made her seem so close, even when Hamilton was almost an hour away from me. She even got her parents hooked on text messaging. Barrie ended up being just around the corner.

One night on a visit with Peter and Kirsten, we ended up in the silliest, most wonderful 4 person text-message circus. She laughed and laughed at all the funny text messages we all shared, even though I was still in the room with her. Her parents had gone for ice cream and after Craig and I left, we ended up getting ice cream too...
And there is the night at the YBR that I was up with Sheay in her room, Craig was at the computer and Kirstie was at home and we were all texting each other 80's song lyrics. We almost peed our pants laughing since Craig and I were in the same house texting. She knows her music, that Kirstie.

I am struggling to understand all this. How someone so wonderful, so giving and brave can be lost to us all. It really boggles the mind. To say it is not fair is a gross understatement. Kirstie was and is deserving of so much better. ... so much.

I can't believe that she won't be able to come on our "rock throwing" date at the beach in Hamilton. We were waiting for her to feel better to make the trip down there. She had suggested it after my difficult marriage ending, as she had done the same as therapy. (the wonderful Peter's idea). I can't believe that we won't be able to have that summer bbq at her parents house, so they could finally meet my Craig. They will get to meet him now, but for damn sure not the way I wanted them to.

But this is my selfish grieving. I only know that I have a hole in my life now. I'm not even sure if I know yet how large the loss is. I just know it is there. There are so very many people with the same or even bigger holes in their lives and hearts at this loss. So many that I cannot even begin to list them all.

I won't ever be able to look at a guinea pig, a rat, a hamster or a bunny without thinking of Kirstie. I will wear with pride and love the scarf she knit for me last winter. She will live forever in my heart,

I imagine right now, and I wish for it so much to be true, that she has gone to a place where she is healthy and whole again, surrounded by Vester, Bunka, Chervil. That she is free of pain and worry and is happy.

I need to believe in that. I think it will be what allows me to carry on.

I will miss you terribly Kirsten, my kindred spirit.

Ampersand & the Cackling Girl at YBR

2009-07-02T15:38:00.002-04:00

Note: this was originally posted 1/28/09 but I managed to delete a bunch of my posts like a bone head this being one of them. Now I guess because it is so far past the original date, blogger won't let me put the original date and it insists as posting as todays date. oh Well, win some lose some. At least I have the entry back despite the incorrect date of Ki;u
Finally got the video downloaded to the computer and now I am uploading it to the blog! Sorry for being so slow! The video has Steffi, Craig, Sheay, peter, Kirsten Remy, Roland and Ampersand of course and Chetters is hiding in peter's shirt! We had a ton of fun that night and of course the star of the show was Ampersand who jumped multiple times!! Unfortunately I had to settle for a smaller video as the one I wanted to upload was way too big! I will have to figure out an alternate way to get it onto the blog. Perhaps post to YouTube? I wonder if YouTube has limits...

We had lots of fun that night. Here are some more pics: Bogey staring at peter's belly because Chetters is hiding in p's shirt; Sheay posing and Steffi and her new scarf.

Koalas in 2009 Australian Heatwave

2009-06-21T11:45:00.003-04:00

I pulled this from an email sent to me by PH and verified its accuracy. No more Mashables for me! So I can be reasonably confident that this happened!!

Note: I am having difficulties with posting pictures. So they are not all there as far as I tell. Will have to fix later when I have more energy... what a pain.

KOALAS DURING THE HEAT WAVE IN AUSTRALIA (2009)

Australia has had a record heat wave with devastating fires as a result. Koalas if you don't know are not social and don't come out of trees or down to the suburbs very often. But the main thing is that they don't actually drink water normally at any time.
All their food and water source is provided from the eucalyptus leaves that they eat.

That's why they sleep about 22 hours of the day because the calories and liquid intake is not enough to keep them awake long enough, but they consume enormous amounts of leaves in that time. The following photos are even more amazing once that fact is known.

From the first four pictures:

The pictures that follow the first four were first in the original email I recieved. I suppose order doesn't matter so much in this case as does the sheer wonderfulness of these pictures! I just had to share.

Honestly, is it a guy thing?

2009-06-20T05:10:00.001-04:00

So my biggest difficulty right now other then the fatigue, and the tiredness anf the exhaustion that the smallest action causes (did I mention I tire easily?) is managing timing around my medications and meals. Seem to be able to handle up to lunch & the 1 pm meds but then lose it after that. It seems to be the whole organization thing.

Anyway, I had my second visit from my personal support worker today. She helps with things like bathing and some light housework. In trying to be organized I said to p okay I need towels, soap, etc in the kitchen. So after prompting once more that was done. Well, what about clothes? I need to get dressed after cleaning up. Oh, okay. Here are some clothes. So that wasn't so bad - I was just trying to make sure things were set up so that we could make best possible use of time and maybe get S, the PSW, to do some other stuff because it is as time permits, like change the sheets on my bed. All to p's benefit - one less thing for him to do. Well of course didn't think to have that stuff ready. Had to chase p down via phone (in the house!) & ask for sheets. So he brought the sheets and heads back up again to again start his nap. S gets bed made. No pillowcases. Okay. Would you not assume that if you are changing the sheets on a bed you are also going to be changing the pillowcases? Ummmmmm.......

And of course, couldn't get hold via phone so then had to get S to yell up the stairs.....

There's more to the organization story then I've outlined but you get the gist right?

So tonight I felt completely crappy because of eating late and not following pill schedule and I don't know how to address it. Don't want to nag because p is so amazing & generous as a caregiver, friend, partner, lover it feels petty. But at the same time it is crucial.

Argh - so here I am at 5 am in the morning not having slept at all essentially because we can't get our act together to eat meals before 6 pm.
I know organization & schedules have always been no big deal & in some ways anathema even for me. I am more a play it by ear person by natural inclination but it's just not working for me right now. I need that schedule. And I actually think p would feel better for it as well himself.

I really hope I am not simply being petty and overreacting on this.... Still don't know how we are going to resolve this as we have had this conversation not just several but many times....

Taking Medications & Status Update

2009-05-12T06:58:00.004-04:00

I am having to sit up for an hour as I just took my Actonel. The pharmacist, shortly, upon my arrival here, informed me that I've been taking the Actonel incorrectly. It has to be taken on an empty stomach, I have to be sitting up for at least 1/2 hour preferably a full hour, and drink lots of water with it. Boy am I glad I only take this particular pill once a week. And of course I can't have any calcium at the same time.

Then she later proceeds to tell me that I'm not taking my calcium in an optimum manner. Because I'm on mega doses it needs to be split up through the day to allow the body to absorb it. In case you are wondering what mega doses of calcium are it's 2000+ mg of calcium daily.

Last night I started the voriconazole which is an anti-fungal drug. Dr. Loach said that the CT scan I had done yesterday shows the nodules on my lungs have gotten a littler bigger. These are the nodules that appeared when I relapsed in 2000 that they were unable to get a biopsy of. The CT scan also was still "hazy" meaning I guess that there is still a lot of congestion. He said I would be here until next week at least - they will do another CT scan at that point. They are not sure that I have a fungal infection - but they are not sure what the deal is with the nodules. So Dr. Loach said they would rather overtreat which is why they've started the voriconazole.

At some point they will want to do another bronchosopy to try biopsying the nodes again. However, for the same reason Dr. Chan couldn't fully sedate me last Monday for the bronchosopy he did they will wait because the risk factors with my lungs in such poor shape is too high.

I am having a really hard time staying alert/awake while writing this. Granted it is 7:14 an and I normally would be on a GO train napping on my way into work. But it's a little frustrating to suddenly find myself staring out into space or worse my eyes closed!

It looks like p can come and visit today. I am so looking forward to that. Haven't seen him since he left me at emergency because he's been too sick. So awful that noone there to take care of him.

Leg wound is doing well. And might even start healing a little faster as they dropped the prednisone back to 25 mg. Dr. Chan had increased it before the bronchosopy to try and give some lung function back.

Mother's Day on a Sunday Night at Chez Princess Margaret

2009-05-10T22:19:00.005-04:00

Today was a quiet day. B & C visited - it was really nice to have them come. My flute teacher and co flutist from my York days. As B said though, it is much nicer to visit over sushi then a hospital bed!

Things do seem to be improving. Congestion is looser was finally able to give them a sample for testing. Doubt it will come back with anything though.

My oxygen stats were a little low today so my nurse bumped up the oxygen to 4 litres for the afternoon which helped. I'm back down to 2 litres now. Sure dries the heck out of the mucous lining in my nose. Had some longer nosebleeds last night then usual. My nose tends to bleed anyway when it is dry but the oxygen exacerbates it for sure.

My leg is doing well a bright spot in all this murk. But it's been a royal pain because for some reason the mepiplex dressings that have been so awesome are not sticking or something. So everyday there seems to be leaking and then either wrap up the leg with gauze to stop goop going from everywhere or else the dressing gets changed. Really the dressing should be able to last a few days unless there is excessive drainage from the wound. The draining is not excessive - it is just the dressing doesn't seem to want to stick. Though maybe we had a bum batch of dressings so they switched the boxes but it's still happening. Frustrating.

Mum and Dad have been troupers throughout this. They have been down from Barrie pretty much every day. Only days they haven't were because Dad had rehearsals for his King Edward choir rehearsal and tomorrow Mum has an appointment with a nephrologist. I hope that is nothing major. She has helped me with showers and they been making sure I get my hazelnut creme coffee intervention!

Tuesday I had a shower with mum's help and it just about did me in. I was soooo exhausted after I almost felt worse then when I was admitted Sunday night. But I have since had my third shower today and while it still tires me out, I am managing much better.

P has been really sick. It's taking him as long to recuperate as me. I'm not sure when I will get to see him. I haven't seen him since he left me at emergency on Sunday night. I've been really worried about him. And the rub is that noone to help him plus he has all the little guys to take care of. I feel awful about that. It's not that noone has offered - I should qualify that. Sue and Shirley have both offered but peter hasn't taken them up on any of the offers. I guess maybe he's waiting until I am home. And as for that I have no idea what is happening beyond Monday/Tuesday. Dr. Loach said he wants to do a CT scan either day. But I also need to get off oxygen before I can go anywhere. I certainly hope they don't decide to send me home with oxygen. I'm pretty sure that's not in the plans though - at least I hope.

Work is supportive. Feel bad that I've left JM in the lurch. But, my health is the most important thing right now and I am really trying to focus on that and not worry about other stuff.

This is the ward that Oliver Schroerer was on. He was teaching students right up until the last. Very cool. I hate that someone so talented and vital lost his life to this evil disease.

I think Lupe Rodriguez was on this ward too. The ward I am on is the leukemia ward not the transplant ward.

Did I mention that I have been in what they call droplet isolation? The room has full negative isolation capacity but thank god my situation doesn't warrant that. It would mean a shut door and stuffy room at all times for the most part. Instead visitors (depending on the nurse on duty wear all or part of the next list) have to wear goggles, gloves, mask and gown. It's not about my protection - it's to prevent me from spreading the flu virus to them. The none swine variety para-influenza virus that I have.

I've managed to convince Mum & Dad to get a text messaging package. So Dad was all thrilled because it meant he could go and get a new phone! Mum has done really well with it. I love it - I love being able to fire off a quick message. And it's been great for keeping in touch while they are driving here and knowing where they are and asking if I need or want anything and avoiding talking on the phone and long distance charges!!! I've been following Twitter on my phone - although the first few days I was here I turned it off because it was just too much to cope with. For example, tonight they texted me to say they were stopping at the Mandarin for dinner. Because of course today is Mother's Day. What a crappy place for a mother to spend her Mother's Day. In a hospital helping her daughter cope with being ill. To boot she cooked me a mini-dish of scallopped potatoes with gruyere (yum. I'm supposed to be spoiling her not her taking care of me. So not right.

Okay, done for now. See if my pirate connection is still working!

The Joys of Low PFTs

2009-05-04T22:18:00.001-04:00

So here I am. On the 14A ward at PMH. Spent last night at TGH emergency. Lungs got so bad yesterday had to do something.

A week ago Friday I saw Dr. C and my PFTs were so bad that he scheduled a bronchoscopy for the Monday so he could figure out what we are dealing with before he committed to a treatment. Went back to work Thursday , Friday had to stay home. Couldn't get hold of Dr. C and his admin suggested I try Dr. L who said yes come. I explained what had been happening and he said well I can't leave you without anything at this point. he consulted with the infectious diseases person here who works with immune compromised patients. Because one result from the bronc came back positive for a viral flu - no not the N1H1 variety but at that point they didn't know which one it was other then not swine flu - it was suggested that he prescribe Relazon which is for viral influenzas.

Of course there was most a hitch. Got down to the pharmacy to discover they didn't have any in stock and nor did the other pharmacy that we called. Called the inpatient pharmacy and yes they had some but they were reluctant about parting with any. Plus it turns out that because of the current status of N1H1 pharmacies can't directly order the drug - the ON government has the say in divvying it put. the long and the short - they did give me the first half of the dose.

So I started the puffer on Friday night. By Sunday I was sicker and sicker. To the point that finally P and I looked at each other and said - okay we have to do something. I was sitting in a chair at my computer and not able to breath.

We called the oncall nurse here at PMH who was a little concerned that we wanted to come into TGH emergency because she could hear I was in distress with my breathing as well as emotionally. The long and short was I did not want to go to emergency in Hamilton because we have just not been having good experiences with either Mac or HGH. I could have gone to urgent care at St. Joe's in Stoney Creek but I didn't want to be admitted in Hamilton. It just doesn't make sense - they don't know what to do with me. So we drove to TGH.

We arrived at 7:05 pm. Before 8 pm I was triaged, in a room with the door shut for isolation purposes and on oxygen. By 10 pm they had done an x-ray and bloodwork/blood cultures. P finally left at 2 am - he was so sick. I was so very worried about him having to drive home alone back to Hamilton but what could we do? The animals needed someone and while yes there were any number of people that would have put him up it was better that he go home. The doctor, when he came in, said we are just waiting to see where we have a bed for you. Fortunately, in the morning when they came back it was at PMH. Thank God. And even more fortuitiously, on the 14th floor. So while not in the transplant ward I am across the way and Dr. Loach has been coming in to see me except for the weekend. (I started this post on May 5th and am continuing it May 10th)

So the long and short is that I have a para-influenza virus. The only treatment is rest and in my case oxygen, steroid inhalers and stuff to deal with the coughing fits. I've been here Monday morning till now, Sunday night. Lots of visitors - I am so grateful. It keeps my spirits up. Malcolm and Stella, Barbara and Christine, Becca and Emma, Sue, Nancy, Sherman and Jim. I've probably forgotten someone. And of course my Mum and Dad who have been absolute troupers. Thank god for parents. I just wish my mother's day present wasn't a day at the hospital...

So, we are waiting to do a CT scan and beyond that I don't know what is happening.

I figured I should finish this post though because I realized I left some things out in my next post. And I've probably still missed things.

2009-05-03T22:09:00.001-04:00

Here I am - waiting in TGH emergency. Botheration.
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The Joys of Prednisone - Eyes

2009-04-20T10:32:00.000-04:00

Today I have a wicked burst blood vessel in my eye that occurred sometime between leaving work and sitting on the GO train.
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Walt Disney's Pigs is Pigs

2009-04-09T10:29:00.000-04:00

This is really cute. You have to check it out!

Winkle - Rainbow Bridge March 25, 2009‏

2009-03-25T09:27:00.000-04:00

Last night Winkle was huddled in the corner of his hutch and was all fluffed out so we knew something was wrong. He wouldn't eat not even blueberries one of his favourites. We checked to make sure he wasn't blocked or anything like that - he wasn't. We wrapped him up in a towel and cuddled him gently all night. He made noises occasionally like he was in discomfort but would settle if I gently touched or stroked him. I woke up shortly before the alarm went off and he was still with us. When I woke up at 5 am he was gone. He was not quite 6 yrs old. The last of the original Critter Crew. Bye Winks - I love you and I miss you. Make sure you say hello to everyone and I hope Widget, Licorice, Smokes and Squeeeks were there to meet you and are showing you where all the best treats and timothy hay can be found. Say hi to Bruno, Thistle, Tipple-Scritch and Snipset for us. As well as all the other furry friends that have touched our lives. Say hi to the two legged ones too please.Thanks for being a part of my life. You were and are cherished.

The WCB

2009-03-16T18:00:00.000-04:00

Today I called the caseworker from Workman's Comp because I was concerned that the reports I was being sent to complete or have completed didn't have my leg injury on them.
She took the opportunity to take detailed notes and find out when all my past and upcoming appts were and are. She was really nice. Embarrassed me tho. She said you are so brave. My response was my usual - I just do what I have to. She said, no you are brave and she emphasized it again when she heard how long I've been dealing with this illness. She said that the person that I dealt with initially at the WCB couldn't say enough about me. She said that they deal with people that just have aches and pains and take time off and here I am back at work. I said that it doesn't do me any good to sit at home and mope. Not that I don't mope but I would rather be busy because it's better for me.

It was an interesting perspective of me. I really don't think of myself in this way. If anything I feel bad about how much I moan at p when I am not feeling and certain of my friends that are privy to my complaining. I guess there are a lot of people who take advantage of the system.

She was concerned that I was using my lieu time for Drs appts. She said you know the WCB will pay for it. And you can probably even get work to front the money and be paid back by the WCB. She was worried that I would use it all up for this and not have anything left if something else happened. It's nice to know I have that option - but I would rather do it the way I am currently. It is also nice to know that a complete stranger on a government board is so supportive.

It restores my faith in the system. Especially after my experience last year when the insurance company was going to deny my claim because it was an unreasonable amount of time to be recovering from pneumonia. Again, I was lucky - the nurse at work stepped in and took care of it and set the insurance company straight. I know that even if she hadn't Jeff would have fought for me but because she did intervene I wasn't put through an undue amount of stress because it got resolved so quickly. And I am grateful to CP for that. We think that the reason it was denied was because the more experienced insurance agent had gone on holiday and his replacement was new and only saw a chance to save the company money - not that there was a legitimate claim. He probably didn't fully read through my case! All he saw was a longer then usual recovery and going by the books it could be denied!
But back to the WCB - I really feel supported.

A lot of paperwork though. She wants me to check in monthly even if nothing has changed - and I need to keep them apprised of any appointments related to my leg. Oh, and I think my caseworker was surprised/impressed at the depth of understanding I have about my current problem. That's despite not being able to look at the injury myself! She said it sounds like I am in good hands with the care I am receiving. I agree.
I have to remember to do a couple of things - one is some forms that HR is supposed to provide me with. I guess they didn't bother because I am back at work seemingly with no limitations. Tecnically that is true. There are no limitations that afffect my work. Just the rest of my life!! Like the no exercise...

Speaking of my leg. Here is where things are at. I saw PS and Jeff at PMH last Thursday on the 12th. She doesn't think that the iodide gel is the right treatment as it is not a debrider. It is good for keeping bacteria down and preventing infection. She even looked it up and tried to consult with a colleague. However, she said we would stick with it until the end of two weeks which is March 21st. She thinks hydrogel or the Silversorb would be better for debriding purposes. But she didn't want to keep changing the treatment either because that was the third approach taken to date.

Then Jeff came in and took a look and said I need to see a plasic surgeon. He asked if I could do it through my GP because although PMH has plastic surgeons they are used to dealing with oncology related issues which tecnically mine isn't in the sense that it wasn't directly caused by cancer. Yes, related but not directly. That makes sense to me actually. So we asked if p's GP (and I don't mean guinea pigs in this case!) would take me on as a patient. He said yes and wrote me a referral letter for a plastic surgeon at St. Joes in Toronto. That was to be sent today. PS said that it's not likely that they will want to do a skin graft for a couple of reasons. One is why make another wound when there is alrwady one not healing. Another is where would they get the graft from? My skin due to the prednisone is too fragile and in no shape to use. She said she thought it more likely that they would go in and clean out the necrotic tissue manually. I am not looking forward to that. Actually, I am kind of hoping they might suggest using maggots. It is apparently not painful. They just stick them in the wound and cover them up and let them do their thing! Who knows. At any rate by March 21st if the Iodide hasn't worked P- wants them to use Silversorb or Hydrogel.

The wound is 7 cm up and down my leg and about 4 cm wide. There is some concern about some redness around the perimenter of the wound as apparently it has increased somewhat. So p is keeping an eye on that. It's quite deep - apparently very close to the bone. All this from a fall down the stairs. Sigh. Yes I know. I could have broken my neck and I am grateful I didn't. The fall happened February 5th - today it is March 16th. And it hasn't started healing. There is yellow slough and I gather black eschar - all necrotic type tissue. I really can't look.

Better Day and Preston Photos

2009-03-11T16:46:00.004-04:00

Today was a better day. I took all my pills last night and by the end of day I had pretty much equalized out.

As it turns out I was wrong about Dr. E. not being there. Apparently she turns lights off for some patients. She didn't finish with that patient until 6:00. Sigh. I should know better. But honestly I don't like to knock and S, her admin, said you should have knocked. I never knock I just wait. Next time I will knock. Feel silly about it. But in a way, perhaps it's just as well. I was a real mess and would have probably had a breakdown all over Dr. E. Which is what she's there for - but I just don't have the energy to spend on meltdowns. It leaves me feeling as bad or as worse as I did yesterday forgetting my pills.

My friend Paula sent me some pictures of her horse Preston that were done professionlly. They are absolutely gorgeous. I hope she doesn't mind but I want to post them here to share with my few followers! If you do mind Paula, let me know, and I will remove them.

Horrible Day

2009-03-10T09:35:00.000-04:00

I did not start the day well by forgetting to take my pills. So of course emotional rollercoaster is precipate. Then I had to present to CK & KG a vendor proposal. I think the presentation content was good but I wrecked it by interjecting with blah blah blah at a couple of different points. Oh and I only gave the presentation to K because due to the vagaries of MS technology even tho C accepted the meeting invitation it wasn't in his calendar. He arrived just as we finished. Then I made the mistake of raising the problem I am having reconciling the numbers for NH & JK. Why can't you? I try to explain. Well is their DB your responsibility? No. Well then there is bothing you can do. And forget about why LG was doing the support work. What does that have to do with what you are responsible for. Of course he then turned around and said make sure you communicate through JM. He says to JM we don't want them to think we don't support them. So in other words he wants JM to do the communication because he perceives NH and I asd having an adversarial relationship which we don't. Yes we have bumped heads but I don't think it is a prevalent grudge because we are able to get along just fine. I think CK sees me as only being able to raise problems without solutions. I don't think my problem solving style works with him I am a bouncer - I like to discuss and bounce stuff off people. But it gets turned into here's the solution which is not what I am looking for. I guess I should just keep my mouth shut. Maybe setting up bi-weekly status meetings wasnLt such a good idea. But how can we figure each other out otherwise. Of course I think he has already pegged me.On to the rest of the day. Yesterday Dr. E's assistant called to confirm my appt with her today. She said it was 5:30. I said are you sure? We had said 4:t0. No it says 5:30 in the calendar. I left a little later then I meant to and when I finally got to Queen's Park the escalators to the street weren't working. It just about killed me by the time I got to the top of the stairs. Then it was miserable and drizzling and I couldn't walk fast because I was out of breath so I was soaked by the time I got to the doors. I did manage to get our RXs - but Janet gave me a strange look I guess because I looked liked something the cat dragged in. So then I go upstairs to my appt. I realize Dr. E is not there because the lights our out. I really should have trusted my instincts. I think the calender is a DST glitch. My phone changed all the times of my appointments in my phone calendar and I was thinking I bet my appt is actually 4:30 not 5:30 and I bet there is some technology glitch.So I feel miserable and I am tired and I want to get off. Please stop the world.

Update on my Leg‏

2009-02-26T09:34:00.000-05:00

Yesterday after much prompting from p (two days) I e-mailed Dr. L and said I had been having trouble breathing so had increased my prednisone from 10 mg to 30 a day. I also said that my leg was still bleeding/oozing through the dressing and should I be worried about that. He said the prednisone was what he would do and to run with it. Then he suggested I might want to come in to see the wound nurse. Who would have thought there would be a wound nurse?So we came in this morning. Accidentally slept in til 7 because alarm didn't go off. The nurse's name is Pamela and she was really nice. She has a good poker face too. All she said was something to the effect of "oh my". Dr. L was more dramatic! He said something to the effect of "oh my god!". The frown was somethong to behold. Then he said "and you wanted to wait?"They all agreed except for Pamela that amputation of the leg at the neck was necessary!Pamela said that my leg wasn't healing properly. It was trying to scab over but was necrotizing. She said she would need to remove the black/yellow tissue and would use a silver gel as antimicrobial and to promote healing. She walked p thru the procedure. She also had to use a razor to scrape the top so that the gel could get through. I couldn't feel it which was good. They are also setting me up for home health care which will be good because among other things it means supplies for the dressings are included. They were starting to get pricey. So that is an unexpected benefit. So I will probably see the nurse once a week - hopefully they can come on the weekend - and he/she will change the dressing then and assess. I am supposed to watch for increased pain, fever or red streaks up the leg as that would be a sign of infection. Pamela said it will probably still bleed thru the dressing as they are trying to liquefy the necrotizing tissue. I might notice an odour as well. Hope not. Part of the dressing is a gel/liquid to protect the good dkin on the edges of the wound. She measured it as well. It is 7 across and 4 up/down. Can't remember right now if imperial or metric.Then I talked to Dr. L again to say that i've been getting more headaches. So as I compose this I am sitting in a waiting room waiting to have another CT scan done of my head. Dr. L said there can be delayed bleeding - even though the CT scan done in emerg at the time of the fall was clear. Hopefully it will be clear again. I also asked him if he thought I might have a concussion and he said it is really hard to tell. He also checked my eyes with a light and tested my tracking of a finger ib front of my face. Assume I passed! Didn't confuse left from right at least.So another morning off work. Hoping that HR won't insist on WCB paying for it. I had asked/told my boss that I would use my lieu time and he was fine with that. However I think I need to report to HR that I went in for follow-up just in case. I don't plan on taking any time off other then what I have to for medical follow-up. After this will probably grab lunch at Druxy's before heading up to work.Long days like this r so tiring.Saturday I am scheduled for IV-IVG and the YBR crew are supposed to come for supper except C came home from work sick this morning. I hope he is ok - not just because I want to see them but because it is miserable to be sick. Get better C!

Smokes - Sept 9 2003 - Feb 20 2009‏

2009-02-25T09:30:00.000-05:00

Smokes died Friday night. We had been at a friends place in Toronto for dinner and got home late. When p went upstairs he found him I think he waited until he heard us come home because we could tell it had happened recently. He was a smart little guy. His teeth kept growing too long and he would let us know when it was time to go to the vet to trim them by running towards one of us and chattering his teeth loudly at us. I will miss him a lot. Smokes, hope you are having fun across the bridge with all those who have gone before you.

16 Years‏

2009-02-18T09:29:00.000-05:00

Today is the anniversary of my diagnosis with CML. Chronic myelogenous leukemia. It's been 16 years and there have been so many bumps and lifts and love and learning along the way. I spent the weekend at this time in 1993 in the hospital in Brampton. It was Peel Memorial then, now the William Osler Health Centre (I think). It was notorious in Brampton for being an awful hospital but I have no complaints - even despite the way the nurse in emerg blurted out oh you're the one with leukemia. And I didn't know at that point. That's where I met Shirley who was my room mate and made friends. That's where I had a surfeit of peanut butter & smartie blizzards because there is a DQ just down the street and my mum was determined to feed me to make me put weight back on I guess! And take out from the Olive Garden - also relatively near by.And jen's reaction when I called to tell her. She said: "F@&k off". I don't blame her. I wouldn't have believed it either. I didn't believe it - should have known from all the hints Dr. Goldberg was giving when I spoke with him that day on the phone. He had called me to say there were some issues with my bloodwork and he needed me to come into the hospital for some more tests. And the real drag of that weekend - other then being told I had leukemia, CANCER - was that I had tickets to go see a taping of Kids in the Hall. Yes, that's right, I didn't get to go. But my substitute got me a t-shirt as a consolation prize. Reminds me a little of Deb - a friend from the BMT list - she had to miss being on Wheel of Fortune. Except that she later did get to go and compete on the show. Anyway, here I am 16 years later. And there have been many good things and people holding me up along the way. And I just want to say thank you to you all because you have all been there at different times and in different ways and you have all kept me on my feet through difficult and interesting times.

Favourite Author - Charles de Lint

2009-01-19T09:42:00.001-05:00

First of all - yea to mobile blogging. It does work (see my previous post).

I just finished reading Little (Grrl) Lost by Charles de Lint. He is such an amazing story teller. By far one of my most favourite writers. He draws you into his world and his characters. I always leave wishing I lived in his world. Hoping that it is all real ans it is only because I don't have the right vision that I can't see the Crow Girls or Raven or the hobs or Littles. The very first book I read by him was Moonheart - which I think I may have actually bought for Dad. It's set in Ottawa about a house that straddles worlds called Tamsin House. I thought for the longest time that if I went looking I might get lucky and stumble upon one of it's many doorways. His magic, to me that's what it is, leaves me with such a sense of longing and wistfulness. P says I could get there if I only knew how.
I worked for five years, both part and full-time for CIBC and one of the other tellers had the same last name. I finally asked one day and she said he was some sort of cousin vy marriage. That six degrees of separation again! Mind you, I subscribe to his newslette, and he is very generous about responding to emails so I've had a couple of short correspondences with him, and I asked hi. About the relationship. He responded that he didn't really know or something to that effect. So much for six degrees!
But anyway when I purchased Little (Grrl) Lost I also picked up Dingo which was written last year and is a hardcover first edition. Woo-hoo! And I am so looking forward to reading it. Even more then the second installment in Stephanie Meyer's Twilight series. To me, that is candy, whereas the de Lint books satisfy a need deep in my soul. He calls out to something deep within me - I always feel it stirring when I read his stories.
Another wonderful thing about him is that he and his wife are accomplished musicians and one of these days I would like to go to Ottawa or somewhere to hear them play. Maybe even jam with them! (Are you listening Canada?)
Soon and very soon.

Testing Mobile Email Posting

2009-01-19T09:42:00.000-05:00

I am trying to post to my blog from my phone via my Gmail account. This is pretty cool if it works. I guess the only thing I canLt do with gmail set up in my messaging is include attachments. Although if I set up an email account in the Outlook program on my PDA I think I might be able too! So let's see. Does this work?

Chetters!

2009-01-10T23:03:00.004-05:00

I've not posted any pictures of my sweet little Chetters so here we go! p took this picture quite a while ago. It's the quintessence of Chetters for sure. He also says hi to Clara and Corwin!

Finally Some Photos!

2009-01-10T22:51:00.002-05:00

I've been meaning to upload these for ages and I just never seem to get upstairs to the computer where the pics are. Well,I made it tonight. Feast your eyes on a plethora of pics. I guess I should do separate posts for different categories huh?

Well, here are some shots from the Police concert in May 2008. Awesome concert, had 12th row floors and Elvis Costello opened. Can you ask for anything better? (Not much I don't think!)

Week after Vacation Blues

2009-01-06T16:06:00.003-05:00

I was starting to feel like maybe, just maybe I am starting to work to the standard my mgr needs. Then something happens and I think, okay did I miss the ball again? One of the mantras here and in my previous role is "balance getting on with it with getting it right. I feel like in my previous role there was more emphasis on getting on with it then getting it right (read perfect). And I am having a hard time with it. I don't know if it's just that I'm dumb from being overtired and physically weak and I'm missing things I might otherwise see. Or worse, maybe I'm just not cabable of seeing the things I am supposed to be able to see.

For example we have been having problems with one of our vendors because they are taking way to long to deliver on some things. So, we were told Dec 22 that all outstanding issues would be resolved by Jan 12th. Then yesterday we received an email saying that our rep would like to set up a meeting in the next two weeks to discuss the updates. My mgr expressed the concern that does that mean Jan 12th is no longer feasible? I emailed the rep and haven't heard back. In the mean time I asked if I should set up the meeting the rep suggested and was told yes. So I emailed the rep and asked what times the rep had available. The resposne was jan 23 after a certain time. So I booked the meeting. Then a couple of hours later I get a call from my mgr saying why is the meeting on Jan 23? I said, because that is the date I was given. Mgr says that is not good enough. Way too late. I said, well I still haven't heard back regarding Jan 12th. So I was told to cancel the meeting and mgr would call rep to try and get an earlier date I guess.

So my question is, is should I have anticipated that that would be too late? It's hard to book meetings with people as it is because they get booked up so far in advance. Should I have anticipated that Jan 23 was too far away and pushed for an earlier date? Maybe I should have because it was outside of the two weeks the rep originally suggested.

I think I am really trying, but I don't seem to be getting any farther ahead. and it really frightens me.

Happy New Year

2009-01-05T12:11:00.001-05:00

Here's to 2009. May it be happy, healthy and prosperous (enough) for us all.

It's Friday - woot woot

2008-12-12T16:27:00.006-05:00

I have become the ubergeek. I signed up for my company's corporate cell phone plan because my contract FINALLY expired with my old company. The new plan rocks. Same price for so much more. For $20 a month you
get the following:
• 200 Local Anytime Minutes
• Unlimited Local Weekends(Fri 8pm to Mon 7am)
• Unlimited Text Messages
• Call Display & Message Centre
Plan Includes:
$20 /mo*
• Call Forwarding, Detailed Billing,Call Waiting, Conference Calling4
• System Access Fee
• Waived Activation Fee
Corporate
Plan
Receive a Pass that includes: 2 general admissions, 2 regular soft drinks & 1 regular
popcorn with your new 36 mth activation from Baka.

And for $30 more you get:
Unlimited Email & Internet Plan.

So I ordered two Palm Treos for peter and I. Initially didn't go with the unlimited email and internet, but then thought, I want it!!! I love this phone. I've become addicted to text messaging. Talked more to S then I have in a year since I received the phone. I love it.

This is my phone (okay well not literally) but a picture of the model:

Other then the phone the week has been full of Nor virus flu. Came down with it Saturday night. Fortunately it seems to become milder each time I come down with it. Although I still wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. Took Monday off because I was still weak and dehyrdated. Went to work Tuesday and felt fine. Wednesday I got on the train and thought I was going to hurl. Fought it back and went in anyway. Ate saltines to try and cope with the waves of queasiness. By 1 pm I knew I wasn't function so went home. Slept most of the next day. Have lost 6 more lbs. Stupid. I hate the way it's so hard to build up muscle mass and SOOO easy to lose it. And even easier for me because I don't have much to lose to begin with.

I am going to ask Dr. L about physio - I think I need some help getting back some body muscle mass. But what a pain.

Mr. Sandman

2008-12-02T10:32:00.004-05:00

Didn't sleep last night very well. Woke up with cramps alternating in my calves. Had done new exercise in Wii Fit leg lunges. Think that probably exacerbated it. Oh well.

I had to dodge my Go train buddy this morning because I was so tired. I needed to sleep every single second I could get on the way in. Yesterday he wouldn't let me sleep until we got to Clarkson! Ugh! And then my leg started to cramp on the train. Oh joy oh bliss!

Hee Hee.... S and C got two rats one for little S and the other for C. Little S named hers Remy and C named his Ampersand. He totally fell in love with Chetters when they were over Saturday night. He was saying he wanted to get a rat and S said something don't remember what quite, but my response was, he didn't know he wanted a rat friend until he met Chetters (or something to that effect!).

Anyway, I'm am in the midst of creating process flows so I should really stop procrastinating and get back to it.

Squeeeks

2008-11-28T09:09:00.008-05:00

Squeeeks died last night. She was 5 years old and not quite two months. She seemed fine - I don't know what caused it.

December 12th update: I really miss my Squeeks. I miss her cuddles and her kisses and her sweet sweet face.

Helen Guest

2008-11-24T09:38:00.005-05:00

Yesterday was Helen's memorial service. It was held at her house and there were a lot of people and heartfelt memories were told. It really hit me close to home. She is my cousin once removed (my Dad's first cousin) and she was only 63. The same age as p. This was her death notice in the Sloppy Grail last week:

GUEST, Helen Nancy
PhD, FCPRS
(Jan. 9, 1945 – Nov. 18, 2008) Died in her sleep in her 63rd year. Helen (née McKnight) was devoted to her family. She was the much loved daughter of Bill and Nancy McKnight, the beloved wife for 41 years of John Guest, and dear mother of Jennifer and Michael. She was very close to her siblings, Jane Steenberg, Michael McKnight, and Bob McKnight, and to their families, as well as to her husband's family. After completing her PhD in English at Trinity College, University of Toronto, Helen found her niche as a speechwriter and business communicator, first with the Canadian Institute of Chartered Accountants, later with William M. Mercer, and finally on a freelance basis with The Institute of Corporate Directors and a major accounting firm (she sometimes said she ''specialized in dull''). A celebration of Helen's life will be held in her home at 166 Glen Manor Drive, Toronto on Sunday, November 23, 2008 at 2:00 pm.

I did get to see family members at the memorial that I have either never met or only met when I was very small. But I feel very sad. I was only just getting to know that side of my family and now I've lost one member.

November 5th - Other reasons to Celebrate

2008-11-05T10:25:00.001-05:00

Remember, Remember
The Fifth of November
With Gunpowder Treason and Plot
We see no reason
Why Gunpowder Treason
Should Ever Be Forgot!!!

Penny for the Guy!!!!!

Yes They Can!!

2008-11-05T10:14:00.001-05:00

It happened! The dawn of a new era! The first black man is president of the United States. I hope and pray that he is all that he has promised and that no person harms him.

Barack Obama is president elect of the United States of America.

My faith in politics is going a long way to being restored.

Catch up sort of

2008-11-03T14:24:00.004-05:00

I've been writing hard copy journal this week. But because I'm at work and my hands are in pain from cramps I am procrastinating this way.

it's been a horrid month. I don't even want to get into the details of October... suffice it to say among all the lovelies I am back on prednisone and experiencing the prednisone bloat. I don't want to yo yo in my clothing sizes anymore. And my lungs are not in good condition and that's all i can type right now because my fingers are clenched together... and Snipset died a week ago Friday. but she waited for peter to come home so she could say good bye

And I don't wanna be POF either

Happiness Yesterday, Sadness Today

2008-10-06T12:10:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was a good day. A fun day. It was Saint Francis of Assisi and we took representatives of the Critter Crew to church to be blessed. Chetters, Bunka and LMM all went with us as did Thistle's ashes. Em was so happy to "hold a warm living animal". I was really glad that though late, we made it there. And I do have pictures. Which as usual I will upload eventually.

Sadness today: listening to CBC radio, the Andy Barrie show on the way in to town, we heard that Lupe Rodriguez died on Saturday of leukemia. She was a CBC contributor, artist and personality. And it only added to my sadness - this year on July 2nd, Oliver Schroer died from leukemia. He had been in remission, was slated for a BMT. But the process took so long that he relapsed and couldn't have it. See this link for an article from the Toronto Star about Oliver:
http://www.oliverschroer.com/TheStar.com%20-%20living%20-%20Oliver%20Schroer_%20Gracefully%20taking%20leav...pdf

and Lupe's obituary: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/servlet/story/Deaths.20081006.93171615/BDAStory/BDA/deaths

Definitely mourning for the loss of two very bright lights from the world.

The real thing...

2008-09-26T10:44:00.005-04:00

Last night we stayed in town at L and C's place - to avoid the drive back to Hammy-town. It's been brutal ever since the election was called (although strangely enough we are spending quite as long hours at the HQ - it's more to do with the drive and me working...) L & C were just back recently from a visit to the US for the second part of youngest son's wedding and a tour. They brought back the real thing! and in glass bottles even. Wow does it taste good - so much better then the crap here. Apparently they bought a case which came from Mexico where they still use cane sugar and the original recipe - L is allergic to corn and can't drink the North American variety. What am I rambling on about you ask? This:

The origignal real coke - in a glass bottle - the kind you used to get from the vending machines as a single serving. Yeah!!
And, while off topic, I simply must share this button - it's too good not to. I've been sharing it everywhere else, why not here?

And I must complain about one thing - yesterday I had a set of PFTs and saw Dr. C. Who put me back on prednisone for three weeks. SUCKS to be me. I've lost a lot more lung function, and he's hoping that the prednisone will settle any inflammation - even before I got sick with pneumonia I had lost another 20% function - not good. So here's hoping I can regain some.

The Last Couple of Weeks in Review

2008-09-04T11:50:00.003-04:00

No I did not get the job.
There is another posting for which I need to apply.
Sylvester has kidney disease - not happy. Only good thing is we caught it early. He is 16 after all.
Surprises left right and center on the political venue.
I am not sleeping well at all. Many pains in hands, feets and assorted other bodily places. Happening during the day now.
Bought p a snowblower - he is very happy. Also really good shovel and fork from Lee Valley Tools. The shovel slices through sod like it's butter!!!! His birthday and Christmas presents for this year and maybe next done!!!
Mum and Dad's 45th wedding anniversary last weekend (August 31)
Chetters is very cute and sweet.
I miss Licorice very much.
I miss Thistle too.
I don't want to lose Vester...
Worried a little about my Mum - she's been tired for the last two weeks.
Front garden is beginning to look really amazing.
I really should get my butt in gear and upload my digitial photos. On the bright side, p fixed my computer - so I can get caught up on that and the webpage I've been promising for a LONG time.
I am sad it is September. I want summer to last forever.

Stealing Meme's from Canada Again....

2008-08-26T15:07:00.006-04:00

A Foodie Meme

Feel free to join in the fun.
1)Copy this list into your blog or journal, including these instructions.
2) Bold all the items you have eaten.
3) Cross out any items that you would never consider eating.

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea - I suspect someone has snuck this into me at least once
3. Huevos rancheros -
4. Steak tartare -Oh yeah.
5. ~~Crocodile.~~
6. ~~Black pudding~~
7. Cheese fondue -
8. Carp - Not Sure if I have eatern carp
9. Borscht - Oh yeah.
10. Baba ghanoush - Oh yeah!!
11. Calamari - Bring it on - except not the sucker pads. I don't like sucker pads at all.
12. Pho -
13. PB&J sandwich -
14. Aloo Gobi- .
15. Hot dog from a street cart-.
16. Epoisses
17. Black Truffle- don't think I have but sure would try it..
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes .
19. Steamed Pork Buns
20. Pistachio ice cream -
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries - mmm blueberries and strawberries and....
23. Foie gras - yummy but definitely guilt inducing as Canada says.
24. Rice and beans - .
25. ~~Souse and Brawn or Head Cheese~~ My mum used to make this for her dad - who when he heard her describe how she made it never touched it again (first you brush the teeth and then you singe off all the hair on the head.....) I think, shudder, I have eaten this.
26. ~~Raw Scotch Bonnet Pepper~~- .
27. Dulce de leche - oh yeah!!
28. Oysters - love them but not supposed to eat them raw
29. Baklava - Will someone be my baklava slave???
30. Bagna cauda - Never had it - but always willing to try
31. Wasabi peas - Oh yeaj
32. Clam chowder I make a wicked clam chowder.
33. Salted lassi - I prefer the mango lassi.
34. Sauerkraut - Not so fond of it.
35. Root beer float - I th ink so
36. Cognac with a fat cigar -Not necessarily at the same time.
37. Clotted cream tea - for all my english heritage and birth certificate I have never had clotted cream tea. I think I need to remedy this somehow.
38. Vodka jelly/Jell-O - nope. sounds good though
39. Gumbo -no and unlike Canada I don't think it's the only way to eat Okra.
40. Oxtail - Can't say that I have
41. Curried goat- gotta love the whole roti thing.
42. ~~Whole insects~~ - too crunchy!
43. Phaal - I think I've had it.
44. Goat’s Milk- I'll try it.
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more - Not £60 plus but close.
46. ~~Fugu~~ - I am totally not supposed to eat raw fish - and somehow the "bravado" of this dish just doesn't appeal to me.
47. Chicken Tiki Masala- Yummy.
48. Eel - love smoked eel.
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut - Just the boston creme one
50. ~~Sea urchin~~ - Not a chance
51. Prickly Pear -Not sure.
52. Umeboshi- but I'd probably try 'em.53. Abalone -Delicate and delicious. Best ever when I was in San Francisco.
54. Paneer -I have had both sweet and savoury dishes made with paneer, but never on its own.
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal - Yes. I don't like Big Macs. (and really, I don't frequent McDonalds)
56. Spaetzle - I've never made it but man, it is so good when you have German friends!!
57. Dirty gin martini - Olives are one of my favourite foods, and so is alcohol!
58. Beer above 8% ABV - Maudite, a Quebec beer. Sold in quart bottles. So good.
59. Poutine -I'm Canadian. I live on the border of Quebec and Ontario. Of course. (and yes, it is delicious but man, I am getting too old to eat this - it's a once a year treat)
60. Carob chips - Fake, waxy, chocolate imposter!!!!!!!
61. S’mores - Camp food!!!!! Not the same without a bonfire but you can fake it in the microwave if desperate!62. Sweetbreads - Just can't go there.
63. Kaolin - This has to be a spelling error, as the Google page talks about Chinese clay. But it is used as a food additive so . . . maybe?
64. Currywurst - Ummm . . . no.
65. Durian - nope.
66. Frogs’ legs - I don't think so. I know I have been at a table where they have been served, but I don't think I could get past the look of them, and the memory of all the little frogs I caught to observe when I was little
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake (and in Canada - Beavertails) - Yummmmmy!
68. Haggis - Even as a 9 year old, I knew it wasn't "oatmeal sausage". Liars!!!!
69. Fried plantain - Damn, I miss Miami for the maduros!!!!!
70. Chitterlings or Andouillette - nope. And probably not.
71. Gazpacho -Delicious summer food!!! I have made several variations, including a white gazpacho with cucumbers
72. Caviar and blini - Tasty. I love caviar(beluga and osstra, not sevruga - yes, I've tried them all - that Russian restaurant again)
73. Louche absinthe - No but oh my God, do I ever want to!!
74. Gjetost, or brunost- "Cheese, cheese, marvelous cheese."
75. Roadkill - Je ne suis pas un "redneck"
76. Baijiu - No, but it's alcohol. ANd I've had sake so . . . I'd probably try it.
77. Hostess Fruit Pie - Not in years. My mom never bought them, so it was surely at a friend's house, or a lunch trade.
78. Snail (let's go with Escargot) - Totally awesome if done right.
79. Lapsang souchong - Tea. Yep.
80. Bellini - Yes. Frequently.
81. Tom Yum- A staple of my Thai ordering. With the coconut milk and galangal root, please.
82. Eggs Benedict - As long at the poached eggs are not slimy, this is lovely.
83. Pocky - Not the official brand, but I'm sure I've had similar chocolate-covered biscuit sticks.
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant - Umm . . . at a couple. Gotta love my parents and being an only child!! (even one with wine pairings)
85. Kobe beef - I don't think so.
86. Hare- Nope.
87. Goulash - Mmmm, winter comfort food
88. Flowers - I love throwing flowers into salads, decorating cakes with sugared violets, and have had stuffed squash blossoms a few times..
89. Horse - All I can picture are the horses I rode and loved (Acorn!! Athena!!!)
90. Criollo chocolate - I don't think so. But I have consumed a lot of chocolate . . .
91. Spam - Sliced thin and fried crispy on a hot plate in undergrad - I think that was the last time.
92. Soft shell crab - Yes. Especially in spider rolls (also why my damn sushi bill is always very high!)
93. Rose harissa - I think I may have had this at a restaurant, but I'm not sure
94. Catfish - Fried. In the south. Meh.
95. Mole Poblano- I love mole anything!!!
96. Bagel and lox - with cream cheese. And capers.
97. Lobster Thermidor - Lobter done any way is fine by me!
98. Polenta - Mine has never turned out as well as my Italian friends'. So I just enjoy it there.
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee - Yes. It was coffee.
100. Snake - No. But I've heard it tastes like chicken. So . . . I'll stick with chicken

Oooh - I have butterflies in my stomach...

2008-08-07T15:16:00.002-04:00

Today the butterflies are in my stomach instead of flying around me as they were at the Niagara Butterfly Conservatory last Saturday.

I just received a phone call from AS at my former workplace - she was calling to give me a heads up that I would be receiving a phone call from the HR hiring manager. Also that AS is working with HR to create a possible second role for a senior analyst for which she would like to consider my application for. I'm very excited. Now I must go do mucho research on the topics of anti-money laundering and the Bank Act.

Woo hoo!!!

I've only told p (who of course I called immediately) and he is going to tell the beckster. And of course I've written it down here in semi-code.

Okay - off I go to research!

The second half of Feeling Queasy Day

2008-08-05T15:04:00.002-04:00

I just came back from my visit to the acupuncturist. There is a team of alternative health practitioners who come to the building and see patients. I had decided to try acupuncture about 6 months ago as Lee from church had raved about how it helps her. The jury is still out to be honest - but it's hardly fair to judge considering that any progress I may have made probably was obliterated when I became sick with pneumonia. At any rate, one placing of the needle in my back is still stinging - slowly abating but it's certainly never done this before. In fact, today and last week I was most twitchy and sensitive to the needles. I think I almost kicked Dr. M when she place one needle in my ankle last week - it felt like there was an electric shock going through my foot up my calf!

Anyway, enough of the health junk. Really, the second part of today has to do with job opportunities. I ran into the SVP of my former company (which is technically the same company I'm working for now, just a different branch) and I said hi, how are you and she said the same back. Then she said I saw you applied for that job - I said yes, but haven't heard anything. She said, well we haven't made a decision yet. Then she said but there are other jobs that are going to be available - possibly up to 5 other positions. We would love to have you back - you are thought very highly of (blush). I said, thank you. She then continued to explain how things were going with people finding other jobs within the company (because of the move if a person was in a role that was moving and didn't particularly want to move because it's a fair distance they can look for another role that suits them in the company with the full support of management). She did say that in some ways it's difficult because employees who have been bumped so to speak would be preferred for positions. Regardless, it heartened me immensely. So I know they will keep an eye out for my applications. I would really love to transfer there as it would cut my commute to 20 minutes or so. Much less then the current 2 hours I'm commuting! Not to mention I would be working with a good portion of my old team again!

Time will tell!

Feeling Queasy

2008-08-05T10:39:00.003-04:00

Not groovy that's for sure. Twice this weekend, including this morning, I have been feeling queasy. And no, it's not what you think. I ain't enceinte. It's probably a cumulation of overtiredness and my general health - but I promised I would note it so I can then communicate it to my oncologist.

So last night, climbing into bed (after I took my pills - which could also be a contributing factor as the Gleevec can make me nauseous if I take it on an empty stomach) I felt queasy. Really wanted some saltines - note to self - must buy more saltines for work and some for at home. I guess as I fell asleep it resolved itself. This morning I was fine, except super tired. But, now that I am at work I feel queasy again. Didn't feel queasy until after I'd been here about an hour. I have had a 7 Up to drink, tea (Earl Grey, xlarge, one milk two sugars, one bag on the side) and a raisin scone from Tim Horton's. Oh, and three saltine crackers. To try and calm the queasiness. I don't feel like I have to run to the bathroom - it's just a general low-level feeling.

Okay enough said about that.

Yesterday morning we took C to the airport as she was on her way home to Mexico. The house feels strange without her there. I expect the bunnies will sulk as she was particularly good to them (and all the critters). We had her at the airport by 3:50 am. She was there before the check-in attendent! It's been really great having her visit - in some ways overwhelming for P - meeting her was kind of like meeting his entire family.

Anyway, I do have pictures and I keep saying this but will post soon. Really truly!!

Because Canada did it

2008-07-28T15:58:00.000-04:00

Oh for crying out loud! I just got slapped with a wet salmon - really - I have not updated this since Paris Hilton was in jail... You would not believe that I'd been abducted by aliens. Cheers Mate..I am lost in a sea of pseudo-olde-english with feeding the little people, a ticking crocodile, just generally being asleep, dreaming and chancing to anyone unfortunate to cross my path, my day is filled with fluorescent light from the second star on the right, straight on to reef break. I am wearing my budgie smugglers. I need a nap.I make a solemn vow won't blog until the next time booze prices go up and I have to get sober for a while. Go with God, good friends. Unless of course the pool with the cocktail bar is heated!.

Addedum to Today

2008-07-23T16:34:00.002-04:00

I'm having a slight mental breakdown - I think it's because I'm overtired. Never a good idea. But, I am really hoping that I can be hired in Burlington for one of the upcoming positions. Something JG said a few minutes ago has pushed a button and now I am feeling really low. I don't feel like I fit in here at all. The one friend I have is in another department and I don't and can't seem to be able to develop the camaradie everyone else seems to have. I had it at my last role.... what is wrong? And I'm starting to feel like I'm not very bright - I felt so much more capable in some ways (despite the feelings of insecurity there for different reasons) at my last role.

I don't know how much longer I can take this commute. My body is falling apart and I don't have the energy at night to exercise.

Deadly

2008-07-23T11:14:00.002-04:00

Monday C and P drove in with me in the morning so P could run a few errands and they could hopefully go to the AGO. Unfortunately it was closed and will be closed for a while. They did manage to hit the artist's supply store and C was happy because she was able to purchase some oil paint colours that aren't available in Mexico or Bolivia. Since the AGO was not open, P took C to the Eaton Centre and she found some good stuff! We went for lunch to Mai Tai, a Thai restaurant up the street from where I work. C had never eaten Thai before and really enjoyed it. She wanted to treat us to dinner so that night after work we went to the Nataraj an Indian restuarant (with Chinese waiters!!) on Bloor Street. One of my favourites and yet another cuisine C had not had before. All in all the day and the food journeys were a success! But then... oh no, we found a new bookstore!! Eeeek!

There used to be a building on Bloor Street, right across from the 24 hour Super Save (how I loved that store in university!) that was boarded up for years and years. Much to our surprise Monday night it was no longer boarded up and a bookstore had opened on the main, basement and top floors! We went in and it was like being in a candy shop. This store buys used and overstock books, DVDs, VHS and Music CDs and the prices were unbelievable! I picked up two little house on the prairie books for $2 each in perfect condition. I got Eragon and Eldest in an unopened hardcover set for $25 (by far the most expensive of anything I bought). I bought The Emerald City of Oz in hardcover by Frank Baum for $7 and a Spanish Grammar for $7 and a beginners Latin for $7. Oh and an Anne McCaffrey and Margaret Ball book - Acorna. I think that was $4 or $5. C got Stephen King's Misery and the Complete Narnia Chronicles in Spanish for less then $20. Not to mention all the DVDs we got plus p's books as well. There goes $200 - but wow, what a steal!!!!! They had an amazing fantasy/sci fi section and I didn't dare set foot in the music section!!!!

Oops - it's been a while

2008-07-21T16:18:00.002-04:00

Well, my absence, noted by few, had a legitimate cause. May 1 was the Police concert in Kanata at the ScotiaPlace (or whatever it's called). Canada was thrilled - she didn't realized when I said I got 12th row tickets that I meant 12th row floors. Got some great pics - go figure - they are on Canada's site - not mine! Elvis rocked and the Police, well...... it was worth the money. Well worth.

So, Friday was my Aunt's funeral. It was nice - very well-attended and I accompanied the organist during the hymns with flute. People seemed to like it. The reception was interesting - my dad commented that he was watching my brother/his wife and I circling round the room deftly avoiding one another. I did talk to my nephew and niece which was really wonderful. I do miss them. N is going into grade 9 this year!!! Wow!

During the reception at my Uncle's house I started coughing and could not stop. I'd been sick off and on all winter. Felt really rotten, but got back to Canada's and took it easy. Oh, and I had to take a vacation day because our car broke down on the way and the VW in Bells Corners couldn't fix it till the Monday. So I drove most of the way (possibly all - can't remember it was so long ago) home. The plan was to go to work the next day, but I woke up feeling like HELL. So I called in sick. Spiked a fever in the afternoon. Usual routine. Called NP at PMH, was told to go to emerg. Went to St. Joe's After Hours and they took a look at me at the triage and said, you should be going to emergency - why did you come here? They took me in - ran blood tests yada yada, chest x-ray, and said I had pneumonia. They transferred me via ambulance to St. Joe's Hospital. Gave me oxygen in the ambulance which was a relief because I was having major difficulty breathing. Stayed in emergency from Tuesday evening until Wednesday night because despite them telling the After Hours place they had a bed - they didn't really. Anyway, spent three days in hospital, they released me on the Friday - but only because a) didn't want to keep me in hospital when it was a weekend and no tests planned and people get sicker in hospitals and b) I was to go and see Jeff on the Monday or Tuesday.

Well, I was off for two months. Started back at work the day after Canada day.

That's it for this infomatic blog - other adventures to tell of are the Wii Fit board purchase during this time. Also to come, adventures with P's sister C visiting from Bolivia, via Mexico. Can you say Google Translate?!

It's Tuesday but might as well be a Monday

2008-04-29T16:22:00.003-04:00

My mum sent me an email this morning asking me to call her asap as she couldn't find my work number. I honestly didn't think anything about it. I did call her right away as soon as I saw the email message (almost right away). My Aunt J, my Mum's sister died this morning.

We knew it was coming. She's been quite ill, getting progressively worse. I guess I just secretly thought she might pull a fast one on us and make it through this as well. After all, practically everyone had given up on her (except for my Mum) during the bad part post liver transplant when she almost died. But, she was apparently in a coma-like state the last day or so. The last time Mum called which was a few days ago, she couldn't talk to her because she wasn't capable of holding a conversation. Apparently, J, her youngest, visiting from Aussie land for the month, had slipped in at 4 am to give her her meds. At 8 am, when she slipped in to give her next dose, she had slipped away.

Stubborn to the last - even though they had brought a hospital bed in and talked my aunt into installing it into her bedroom instead of the living room as she had planned - indeed even moved the living furniture around months ago to accommodate this - she refused to sleep in it and instead slept in my Uncle's bed.

I guess the things I'm grateful for are: my mum was able to go and help her before J and J arrived from Oz; J and J were there from Oz as well as the rest of the family who live nearby (ish) and finally, that she doesn't have to feel any pain anymore. Now it's just us who are left behind to feel sad or whatever it is they feel.

I don't know if my brother knows yet. Mum had tried to get a hold of him and left a message apparently. I wonder how he will feel?

I have a tune going through my head - an HT hymn - Long, before she wrapped her flowing arms ....

It seems appropo.

Haiku Meme

2008-04-18T13:09:00.001-04:00

Haiku² for firefly1234
far i want to do a male if only from all the times he had
@

Created by Grahame

What Punctuation Mark am I?

2008-04-18T13:03:00.001-04:00

You Are a Comma

You are open minded and extremely optimistic.
You enjoy almost all facets of life. You can find the good in almost anything.
You keep yourself busy with tons of friends, activities, and interests.
You find it hard to turn down an opportunity, even if you are pressed for time.
Your friends find you fascinating, charming, and easy to talk to.
(But with so many competing interests, you friends do feel like you hardly have time for them.)
You excel in: Inspiring people
You get along best with: The Question Mark

What Punctuation Mark Are You?

Accents

2008-04-14T11:27:00.001-04:00

Stolen from Canada

Who would have thunk it? I've been told I don't have a "Toronto" accent.... but American?? yikes

What American accent do you have? Your Result: The Inland North You may think you speak "Standard English straight out of the dictionary" but when you step away from the Great Lakes you get asked annoying questions like "Are you from Wisconsin?" or "Are you from Chicago?" Chances are you call carbonated drinks "pop."
The Midland
The Northeast
Philadelphia
The South
The West
Boston
North Central
What American accent do you have? Quiz'>http://www.gotoquiz.com/">Quiz

And I was feeling so much more energetic

2008-04-08T12:33:00.002-04:00

Eek - why do I feel so ruddy tired??

Sure my B12 and iron is low - yeah my haemoglobin was low too. But, I've been moving around playing with the Wii (the boxing is killing me - both peter and I are sweaty and out of breath after one boxing match) You would think I would be increasing in my energy levels. I was feeling much more energetic - wasn't so hard to get up in the morning. I was going to bed early and last night I wasn't up reading till the wee hours. p only had to say something once and I put my book down and turned out the light.

It's so bad I'm falling asleep at my desk - don't like that at all!!

This totally made my day on Friday

2008-04-07T09:36:00.002-04:00

Technically I am writing this blog just after posting the last one - but it's an entirely different topic (the Wii is related to my overall health that's how I justify the combination of Dr's visits and the Wii purchase in the last post!).

I was out of the office all day Thursday due to the appointments detailed in my post previous to this one. When I came in on Friday morning, JD had left two messages as she had tried to call me on Thursday a couple of times. (I have a bad habit of forgetting to change my phone message and email to "out of office" - which I suppose I better stop forgetting. But no one ever calls really) I called her back and she had to whisper the entire conversation. But here is the gist of it...

She had a meeting with RC to get sign-off on the records holds and somehow the conversation came around to me. The order of the conversation is not necessarily as per the original as I can't keep it straight. Just so's you know, RC is very senior mgmt.

RC mentioned that she sees me sometimes at Corp. JD told her I would love to come back and work in Burlyteen. RC said "really? CS would kill me...but I've done it to him before..." (CS being her equivalent here) She also said she had the "utmost respect" for me (blush). JC said she and I had a really great working relationship. RC also asked, would I want to do a combination of compliance work, RM etc because apparently (they're moving the entire L and C team to the Burlyteen office next January which means quite a few people are going on Workforce to find other roles in the organization because they don't want the commute - commute takes them from 5 mins to work to probably 30 mins to an hour) they are combining several roles into one. JD said, oh definitely (she knows the reason I took this job was because I didn't want to only work in the RM field) I think that's when she said she and I had a great working relationship.

Oh man, it would be so awesome to go back. For a number of reasons. I so feel like a square peg here - it's been better since I was moved over (not physically) to work for LG instead of JG who hired me originally. I'm starting to feel like the work I'm doing is the quality expected whereas before I apparently was lacking in several ways. I still have lots to learn, but that's not the point - LG is a MUCH better mgr I think. Even when he has to relay negative stuff, he is much kinder about it. But I do think that there is a major culture difference here and that may be part of the problems I've been having. Well, even if it comes up, a chance to move back, I doubt it will be anytime soon. Since they don't plan to move the team until Jan to give the people on workforce a chance I suppose I can't see them looking to hire soon. But at the same time, that probably looks positive on me - that way I've spent almost two years instead of only one in this role.

Needless to say, I told JD she rocks and that she is the absolute best. She totally put the bug in the ear of the best person!!! She's become an amazing friend. She, myself and SI meet up every couple of months to get together for lunch. Funny, because when I first met her, I felt like she would not like me, because she's fashionable (which I am not), athletic (which I am not), French (which I am not) and slim and pretty (which I do not feel I am even though now I 've lost a ridiculous amount of weight - Dr. C actually told me I needed to put a lb and half a week back on) - anyway, you get the idea. Yet we did have an amazing working relationship that has translated into an enduring friendship. I feel really good about it - too because I feel that I helped mentor her to where she is now. (my old role!)

Anyway, to detail all my experiences here at Corp would require another post and a lot more time which I should do at home.

Thursday at PMH

2008-04-07T09:13:00.003-04:00

I had PFTs, I saw Dr. C, I had bloodwork and I saw Dr. L.

I have about 10% less lung function - gee I guess that explains the shortness of breath that I have been experiencing lately. So, I'm now taking a two week course of antibiotics because Dr. C and I both agreed that the continual PND isn't helping by filling up my lungs with all sorts of crap. So I have residual sinustis infection. He also prescribed Singulair - so on top of Advair and Spiriva I have that as well. I really really really hope it works. It sucks being short of breath - not to mention I don't even want to think about playing flute - which needs some maintenance before I can even go there as well.

I think the antibiotics just may be kicking in. I seem to have less PND and crusties in the morning. No huge chunks of goo going down the back of my throat the last couple of days either - knock on wood. (sorry for the extreme graphic description) As for lung capacity, that remains to be seen. TM is back at work and we resume our noon walkies so that should help. Not sure I'm ready to go back outside though because any hint of cool/cold air my lungs seize up even more.

On to the blood work and Dr. L. Apparently my haemoglobin is low as well as my iron and B12. Dr. L wants me back in a month (as does Dr. C) to check up on that. I guess if they are still low I will have to add B12 shots to my regimen. Gosh I hope not. It's hard enough as it is right now justifying my time at the doctors to work. Corp is definitely not as accomodating as little ole subsidiary is. Go figure. Backwoods country cousins are more progressive then big city sophisticated corporation!

We bought a Wii console last week. Man those are hard to come by. I started looking on the Friday. Must have called a dozen stores as well as different locations for each of those stores. I called many Circuit Cities, Future Shop, Best Buy - looked online at Amazon, Best Buy, Future Shop, Tigerdirect.ca (which for future reference is computers and parts only), Canada Computes etc etc. Then Saturday we went to local stores because I had called mostly Toronto stores with the exception of Circuit City where I called both Toronto and Hamilton. We went to Future Shop, Best Buy, EB Games, Zellers.... it was the same story everywhere. "We can't keep them in stock and we only get a few consoles at a time. Basically it was call before you come and if you're lucky and we have gotten some they might still be in stock when you arrive to buy. And no, we can't put them on hold. So I was "whining" about this to my manager who said did you try the store up the street (from where we work). It's called Gamerama. I thought to myself, well, not likely but what the heck. What's one more phone call?

Lo and behold, they not only had one Wii console they had two! It cost a little extra - console was $20 more, plus they "insist" you buy extra stuff to make up for the fact that they were able to have one in stock (huh? what?). I was going to buy extra remotes anyway. I bought a second numchuk, a second Wii remote which came with nine games (which by the way are entirely lame and I don't recommend them unless you like the idea of games that train you on each action of the Wii remote and numchuk. Although, the game where you ride a cow at scarecrows to knock them down and also have to jump fences was mildly entertaining - and I bought Zelda. Woo, can't get past the first bit in that game so far. I want to get to the sword-fighting where you actually get to physically move around! The Wii sports games the console comes with are a lot of fun. S and her daughter S and S (mother)'s new boyfriend C came over Saturday, and daughter S was thrilled with the Wii. She's 7 so usually gets bored really quickly!

Anyway, our excuse for splurging on the Wii was that I need to do something that gets me moving around and there's not a lot of motivation to use the treadmill (ugh another expensive purchase that I darn well better start using once I get a little more a) stamina and b) lung power. Let me tell you, no fooling, the Wii is a great workout! I think the most strenuous workout comes from the boxing - yikes! I was sweating! Good cardio too. And apparently Wii is coming out with a balance board. You can surf, skateboard, do yoga and a bunch of other things.

Then there is the dance mat - must get. Can't get right now - too much money spent on Wii console!!!!

My arms are really really sore. Some of it's from the raking I did in the yard yesterday, but most of it's from the Wii. Best of all, p will actually play with me. He generally hates games: especially cards, board games and so on. It's like pulling teeth to try and get h im to play. But he likes the Wii, because it is active.

Anyway, off to do some work.

She's a he!

2008-03-25T09:21:00.005-04:00

About a month ago, Jessica, our second rabbit who we inherited from my former manager (he needed to find a home for her and had been trying for 6 months because his wife after becoming pregnant developed severe allergies and he didn't want to keep her in the garage - he would go home every day and play with her for an hour or so in the garage) had to go to the vet because she was drooling due to molar spurs on her teeth. She was having difficulty eating and was obviously a little uncomfortable.

We got the appointment and p took her in. The vet looked her over, checked out her teeth and said yup, she's got molar spurs got to saw them off. He finished doing a complete examination as he had never seen her before and after completing looked up at p and said - she's a he!!!

Go figure, we had her I mean him for two years and R had her for two before that. We never checked because we had Bunka fixed - cheaper to do a male then a female and we were sure he was a male if only from all the times he had chased p to a chair and then ran around the chair trying to get at him to grab his leg and .... (well you figure it out!) Picture p standing on a chair trying to talk to someone important (like a politician) and a rabbit running circles around the chair, humming and trying to get at him!!! Too funny!

Now we now why Jessica, I mean Jesse was constantly mounting Bunka - it wasn't because she/he was frustrated and trying to teach Bunka about the birds and the bees at all!! And we could have saved ourselves the neutering fee!.

Well, not really - it was worth it because Bunka stopped attacking p all the time and stopped spraying (which he would do when he was running wildly around p trying to mate with him!!)

Here they are the little rotters I mean sweetums

Horrendoscopes

2008-03-17T09:18:00.001-04:00

Today's horrendscopes sent to me by p...

Funny Shiny Thing in Sky in Field of Funny Shiny Things (source)

Gemini (May 21 — June 21)
You've got your nose to the grindstone. So much so, that your energy and vitality is being consumed. Raise your head this week and look around. Opportunity is in the air.

Round Atlas and Postal (source)

Gemini (May 21 — June 21)
It's quite natural that you are anxious about a task of some kind but you must not let it get to you to such an extent that it paralyses your ability to think or to act. Others can panic if they wish but you must stay calm and make the best of a challenging situation. Great things are expected of you.

It's freaky how sometimes they are dead on. I hope they are.

Useless things I want to do

2008-03-13T15:04:00.003-04:00

Like I have time or energy but here they are, not necessarily in order of importance or priority:

move over remainder of Amazon.com wishlist to Amazon.ca wishlist
catalogue our library of books
catalogue our library of music (CDs and vinyl)
organize house (guess that's not so useless)
organize attic in particular
move gingles (that would be the guinea pigs to you) to second floor in small bedroom which then necessitates rearranging the bedrooms (and attic)

There you have it.

Dreams

2008-03-10T10:43:00.002-04:00

What's with the repeating dreams anyway? All my life I have had dreams that repeat over and over and over again.

There is the I'm back at school and don't know what day it is (my high school had a four day schedule) and can't find my time table not that would help. I'm running around trying to guess which classroom I should be in and hoping I can tell by who is in the class. Oh, and I've missed half the day already..
or

a variation on the above which includes the parts as describes as above: I'm in high school taking the courses I never took in grade 13 such as math (actually it is only ever math) and I'm failing miserably. However, I have already gone to university and obtained a masters degree. The rationale in being back in high school?? Something about taking courses I should have taken then and getting better marks... The weird thing is that my classmates are ones I actually did go to high school with

or

I desperately need to go to the bathroom and every single toilet has an issue. Either the water in it is right up to the edge of the seat so if I sit I'm in the water - or there is no door on the stall or the floor is digusting. Last night I dreamt I was working in a coffee shop and needed to go to the loo and the ones available in the mall were as above so my co-worker takes me across the street (surprisingly which is Yonge Street) into a music store (kind of Long and McQuade's style) and we go down the stairs to the second part of the store and she points to a door which leads down yet another set of stairs to the store's private bathroom. Somehow it's okay to use it. So I go down to discover the toilet is a hole in the ground (complete with a toilet seat).... oh and the other variation on the toilet too full, doesn't have door, floor is disgusting is that I'm naked.

or

I'm chewing bubblegum which I want to spit out and it won't go. So I'm pulling wads and wads and wads of bubblegum with both my hands out of my mouth and its neverending....

There are others but those seem to be the most common....

of course there was the one when I was in my early teens (and no longer living at that house) where I am being chased through our house on Mandarin Crescent by a huge snake. The dream always culminated in my standing on top of the kitchen table surrounded by thousands of snakes (or at least the big giant one that had been chasing me)

I came to a conclusion as to what that dream was about but perhaps I get into that in some other post.....

They are just a kind of mind numbingly mundane stressful dream that when you are in them you can't get out....

Blast from the Past - Always 5 Acting as 1

2008-03-07T11:59:00.005-05:00

Wow - finally clips from my all time favourite show when I was in middle school... One of these days I will have to order the DVD's on Amazon...I remember Mike F drawing a picture of the Phoenix as the title page of stories I was writing in Mr. Law's class. God he was a good teacher. I miss him but I don't miss the awkwardness of those days - for awkward I certainly was.

Music totally reminds me of Star Wars - it's definitely got that heroic timbre to it!!

G-Force! Fearless young orphans
Protecting earth's entire galaxy
Always five, acting as one
Dedicated, invincible, inseparable

Just because I should being doing something else

2008-03-07T10:49:00.002-05:00

A meme from Canada (what the heck is a bloody meme anyway?_

60 Things You Possibly Didn't Know About Me

1. What is in the back seat of your car right now?
Empty Grand and Toy boxes salvaged from work to use as storage at home

2. When was the last time you threw up?
I think it was at B and C's when I was Christmas Elfing. Never mentioned it to them. I wasn't sick - it just happened like it sometimes does.

3. What's your favorite curse word?
Shit and F***.

4. Name 3 people who made you smile today?
p made me smile like he always does

5. What were you doing at 8 am this morning?
in a car on the passenger side driving to work

6. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
working

7. What will you be doing 3 hours from now?
working

8. Have you ever been to a strip club?
No - but at a girlfriend's place she thought she would hire a stripper as a surprise as part of a friend's birthday party she was hosting. Totally backfired as the birthday girl ran out the room and wouldn't come back in and the rest of us sat around feeling totally uncomfortable as this guy did his bump and grind. To defend the hostess she wanted a Jim Morrison type which this guy was not - he was jocky and preppy and overall pretty slimy.

9. What is the last thing you said aloud?
good morning (to co-workers)

10. What is the best ice cream flavor?
lime sherbet

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
tea

12. What are you wearing right now?
jeans and p's sweater

13. What was the last thing you ate?
granola bar with vanilla yoghurt covering

14. Have you bought any new clothing items this week?
I wish

15. When was the last time you ran?
What's running?

16. What's the last sporting event you watched?
A blue jays baseball game back in the 1990's???

18. Who is the last person you emailed?
TM and LG to send them the link to the Electric Lightning video (see previous post)

19. Ever go camping?
Hmm - once when I was 19 with MR - it poured rain and we ended up sleeping in the car (1969 camaro - not comfortable) cuz the tent leaked.

20. Do you have a tan?
I never have a tan even during the summer

24. Do you drink your soda from a straw?
If it's in a can

25. What did your last IM say?
Something silly I'm sure as it was p

26. Are you someone's best friend?
Yes.

27. What are you doing tomorrow?
Going to PMH for IV-IVG hopefully if the snow holds off.

28. Where is your mom right now?
In Florida lucky duck

29. Look to your left, what do you see?
My cubicle wall and my work phone.

30. What color is your watch?
Silver

31. What do you think of when you think of Australia ?
My cousin, the Crawfords, opals and ranches.

32. Would you consider plastic surgery?
Nope

33. What is your birthstone?
Pearl (how boring)

34. Do you go in at a fast food place or just hit the drive thru?
Depends.

35.How many kids do you want?
I wish I could

36. Do you have a dog?
No unfortunately - but the menagerie I have is enough. (currently two rabbits, 6 guinea pigs, a cat and dwarf hamster) (why do I feel like I'm missing something?)

37. Last person you talked to on the phone?
Mum and Dad

38. Have you met anyone famous?
Gord Downie, John Roberts, Mo Kaufman (sp) I think that's it.

39. Any plans today?
Working and going home (boring huh?)

40. How many states have you lived in?
None. One province and England.

41. Ever go to college?
Undegrad and masters

42. Where are you right now?
at work at my desk, Yonge and Eg

43. Biggest annoyance in your life right now?
Snow and being sick for the third time this winter

44. Last song listened to?
something on CBC radio

46. Are you allergic to anything?
Not really.

47. Favorite pair of shoes you wear all the time?
my sneakers

48. Are you jealous of anyone?
sure I am - I wish I wasn't

50. Is anyone jealous of you?
If they are I don't know about it.

51. What time is it?
11.02am Eastern time

52. Do any of your friends have children?
At this point, most of them

53. Do you eat healthy?
Ummm, I can't say I have been recently.

54. What do you usually do during the day?
Work or sleep. Right now my life is tres dull - wishing it could change somewhat

55. Do you hate anyone right now?
I'm ashamed to admit who so I won't. Besides I'm trying not to.

56. Do you use the word 'hello' daily?
I think I say hi more often

58. How old will you be turning on your next birthday?
39.

59. Have you ever been to Six Flags?
What is Six Flags? Is that anything like Wonderland?

60. How did you get one of your scars?
My scars are so unexciting.... there's the one on my lip where my dog bit me. (Entirely my fault believe me!)

English Electric Lightning

2008-03-07T10:31:00.001-05:00

I can't believe my dad came across this by fluke. He was Googling English Electric Lightnings or somesuch thing and was watching this video. (Parents are in Florida for the month BTW - wish I was too) At any rate, he said last night that it was Mum who noticed that he is one of the pilots in it!

It's apparently a RAF recruitment video that he participated in because he was and is Canadian. Unfortunately, the original soundtrack has been replace with some background music (my favourite kind - NOT). Hopefully the guy who posted it still has the original and is willing to share.

Anyway here is the link to the video on YouTube.

Enjoy!

It's Canada's fault - Tag I'm It!

2008-03-06T10:35:00.005-05:00

Canada posted this and didn't specifically tag me... but here you go anyway. I read it and I guess this means I wanted to do it.

1. I can’t believe I’ve never… owned a horse.

2. Every time I think about …the time I got caught in the mudroom with C by my landlord, I still cringe

3. I wish I’d … never gotten sick. (In some ways anyway)

4. I’ve never felt so out of place as when I…go to work every day .

5. Paranormal romance novels … is/are my guiltiest pleasure.

6. I hope … my parents know how grateful I am for … everything they have done and still do for me (support, education, love, etc)

7. In my darkest hours, I secretly blame my brother… for my dysfunction.

8. The diagnosis of CML … changed my life forever.

The tagging part - if you read it and want to do it, consider yourself tagged.

Ho ho ho and a bottle of... wait that's not rum nor a bottle!

2008-03-03T11:38:00.003-05:00

Blackbeard's Rugged Tampons

Stolen from Seph who marked it as a favourite from Xantus....

Ursula Vernon is the artist. Copyright © by Metal and Magic All Right Reserved. To check out her other art go to:
http://www.metalandmagic.com/index.php

Loss of another great musician

2008-03-03T09:12:00.002-05:00

Jeff Healey died yesterday at age 41. He originally lost his eyesight to cancer and it returned to his eyes, legs and lungs. It's really sad and it comes on the heels of the loss of the great Oscar Petersen. Hope you guys have fun jamming wherever you are.

Jeff Healey playing "while my guitar gently weeps"

and one of my favourites Monk's "Round Midnight" as performed by Oscar Peterson (also "Waltz for Debbie")

Oscar Peterson August 15, 1925 - December 23, 2007
Jeff Healey March 25, 1966 - March 2, 2007

The Police and Elvis Costello

2008-02-26T11:18:00.005-05:00

After suffering a severe disappointment as a 14 year old - I wanted to see the 1983 Police picnic (with Blue Peter, King Sunny Ade and others) so bad but no way as the family was going to the cottage for two weeks. Then there was the Synchronicity tour for which I was probably told I was too young - I finally am going to see The Police live. With Elvis Costello to boot. I ended up splurging and have 12th row tickets section B for Scotiaplace in Kanata (formerly the Corel Centre). Nah, I'm not just a little bit excited!

I saw Sting some 20 years ago at Wonderland with Canada and the circle comes around - I'm going to see the Police with her in her (current) home town!

I used to have a huge poster of this last picture that was drymounted. I think I am seriously regretting letting my parents get rid of it. Sigh. See what happens when you get rid of things? You always regret it!!

I don't believe I would do it....

2008-01-29T09:21:00.000-05:00

Since I haven't posted anything for a while, and since Canada's last meme looked like fun here goes....

31%

Well at least Canada is 7 % more likely to do it then me!

15 years since diagnosed

2008-01-08T15:39:00.001-05:00

February 18th will be a milestone of sorts I guess. It was on that day in 1993 that I learned I have CML - chronic myelogenous leukemia. I don't think at the time I could see this far ahead. One never does normally, but even more so I was so afraid that I wouldn't survive. But I did. And here I am......

Happy New Year.

Requiescat in Pace - Licorice Turner McKnight

2008-01-07T08:48:00.000-05:00

Licorice - September 9th, 2003 - January 5th, 2008

The True Neurotic

2007-11-28T11:07:00.001-05:00

Your Score: The True Neurotic You scored 54 anxiety, 62 awkwardness, and 54 neuroticism! Congratulations, you are The True Neurotic, you nail-biting, conflict-avoiding worrier, you. You're plagued by self-doubt and anxiety, which makes social activity hard--even though you may be well-liked, you feel under a storm of silent criticism. It doesn't help that people give you funny looks for organizing all your pens by color or sharpening your gnawed pencils to a delicate point. Your high anxiety score implies that you are unable to relax, worry about the future often, and probably are plagued by irrational fears and self-doubt. Your high awkwardness score implies that you are socially inept, probably stick out from the crowd, and feel uncomfortable in large groups of people, such as at parties. Your high neuroticism score implies that you exhibit neurotic behaviors--probably organization, fanatic obsessions (can you recite the entire first LOTR movie?), repetitive mantras, constant checking, or orderly rituals.

Thanks to Canada - I think!

I don't like Mondays....

2007-11-26T09:30:00.000-05:00

Sigh... well I am still fighting this cold which has gotten much worse. p is still quite ill with it as well. Saturday we went up to Barrie for the family get-together which was a lot of fun. Had a good gab with Michael, Claudia, young Michael, a little with Max, and John and great Aunt Nancy. MJ brought a tonne of pictures that had been moldering in Mary and Joan's garage. Awesome! Mum has a picture of the original Nanna now (Dad's Nanna). Wow she was really pretty. I've asked Dad to scan it for me because I want to get back into the the family tree. I might even pay for the ancestry.ca subscription now the finances are flowing a little better. I need to email Michael because he has tonnes of information that we can use to update the family tree. Actually I need to log into the website and find out how to let him get into it. I think I gave Dad privileges so I ought to be able to give him privileges.
The conversation I had with Claudia was excellent. She's an art therapist - segue, there are a lot of really excellent artists in my family -- Bill, MJ, Claudia and of course several musicians. --- and we had some really great conversation around a myriad of topics including mindfulness meditation, my frustration at being so physically weak and she was telling me about some of her clients. She also told me her philosophy about being an artist which is that anyone can learn to draw etc but just because one is technically good doesn't mean the art really lives and breathes. It has to do with finding a way to connect your heart and soul to the art and letting it be expressed. Which is interesting because it echoes something something I've learned about music. Which is you can be technically note perfect, but not musical. You can be less then note-perfect but incredibly musical. Words are hard to use to explain this but I know until I started studying with B and really really focusing I didn't know how to be musical. It's like the difference between a computer program reading something and a human reading it expressively.

Licorice is doing better. He's putting on some weight. He's become quite the demanding little tyrant! Every two hours he's wheeking and asking for food! All through the night! And he doesn't shut up until he gets it. At one point, he was in bed with us snuggled in his towels, and suddenly p says where did he go? He had launched himself out of the towel cave and was trotting across the pillows to p's head! He's such a sweet little guy. Totally unphazed by anything, even the dogs at Mum and Dad's Saturday nite! He's so funny to watch running around as he gives these little hops and jumps as he gallops away!

I do feel absolutely miserable. Better then yesterday though. It's so hard to get up in the mornings and on a Monday to boot without feeling miserable. It's partly my own fault, I never even thought to warn G and I about my immunity. And ironically, p's been the sickest. But it's because the rest of my friends are so good about letting us know if they have anything communicable that I didn't think about saying anything. I guess I was taking it for granted. But G and I aren't used to the notion with me so of course wouldn't have even thought of it. I think I'll just wait until the next time we plan to get together and I'll bring it up then. There's no point in making them feel bad now that the cow's out of the field so to speak!

Enough for now, must go and do some work. Or at least try..... stream of consciousness is much easier then focused work!!

It's Thursday and I wish it were Friday

2007-11-15T15:24:00.000-05:00

Worked from home yesterday. G and her family came for dinner on Saturday. It's the first time I've seen her since our wedding and I didn't really get to talk to her at it. It had been ages really. We had a good time catching up and it was nice to meet her I properly instead of at the wedding! Her boys are pretty cute too. Except that I didn't think to warn her that I am susceptible to colds etc. The first thing they announced when they got there was that one of the two boys was sick.
:-(
Strangely p has it worse then me. I hope that doesn't mean I'm going to be sicker. I've re-scheduled my IV-IVG for Saturday so that should help.
Licorice is doing okay. He went to the vet on Wednesday because we were worried because his only lower front tooth had broken off and left a stump. Good news is that he's not losing bone mass in his jaw - phew! But his molars are growing in over his tongue. Sigh. So it's back to the vet next week to get them trimmed again. Hopefully he'll start eating again the way he was for a few days. The vet didn't charge us for the visit yesterday either which was awesome. He is such an amazing vet!

I'm feeling crappy today. Probably because of the cold. My shoulders are achey and I'm kind of feeling spaced out. I went for walkies with T today (the second time this week) and just couldn't maintain the pace I have been walking at on previous days. And that's despite being inside and doing the loop de loop at the mall. She helped me carry back my provisions from the Dominion and I realized it was a good thing because it would have been exhausting for me to do so. It wasn't that much - just a couple of bags, but I guess my lungs are weaker today because of the congestion. Sucks - I can feel it rattling and I can't cough it up and I keep sneezing. But again, I'm not as bad as p who has lost his voice practically and is very weebly.

So, my mum is holding a get-together for my Dad's side of the clan. They are all going to Barrie on the 24th. She called me a couple of weeks ago to ask me because of course she was asking my brother. Now, I wasn't happy about it - but I said yes I'll be there and I'll try to behave myself. On Monday I had this great long conversation with Dad as I had called from work because Mum had tried to get a hold of me several times over the weekend. It's great when he's home alone, we have some of the best chats. At any rate, I asked him who was coming to the get-together and said well all of the cousins etc. So I had to ask, is D coming?? Dad said no, he's not. And I said, is it because of me? Dad said yes. Then he said Mum is kicking herself because she didn't think to say before she hung up that gee that's tood bad because K (meaning me) didn't have any problem with coming!! I told Dad I was sorry about it. He said it's obvious D hasn't gotten past what caused the whole kerfuffle before our wedding.

The good thing is that Dad doesn't expect me to do anything more then I already have done. Mum on the other hand, would love it if I would say "sorry". She forgets I have already done so, and forgiveness for D entails me crawling on my knees and grovelling and taking all the same shit as I have all my life from him.

Tuesday Morning Go Train Hell

2007-11-06T09:02:00.000-05:00

Last night I did not get any sleep again. Despite going downstairs to the couch in the living room my feet kept hurting all night long. One would stop then the other would start. Not quite as bad as last Thursday which caused me to stay and work from home as I was exhausted and there was no way I would make even the 8:00 am train at Burlington. Probably more on a par with Wednesday night.

Every morning I drag myself out of bed with p's help knowing that I have 45 minutes to an hour or more to sleep on the train on the way in. I really need that hour espeically after nights like last night. Well this morning at Burlington these three dames (and I use that loosely) get on the train and plunk themselves down beside me and proceed to yap yap yap all the effing way into Union Station about the most inane things. They all went shopping in the States on the weekend and bought this which cost that when in Canada would cost this. All three were more then overweight, dyed blonde and very hard looking. And what really killed me was the topic of conversation after the initial shopping bit. They moved on to Christmas and gift giving and all they could talk about was how much they spend on someone's gift compared to someone's elses, and I'm going to stop buying my god-daughter gifts how old should I wait for her to be before I can stop? And people give the most useless gifts and blah blah. Then, the one sitting next to me decided to give the woman across from a blow by blow of a TV show. Meanwhile, the entire way in I'm sitting there with my eyes closed obviously trying to sleep and they can't shut up or move some where else to be considerate. It's the morning for God's sake. I sat there thinking SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP all the way hoping in vain one of them might be slightly empathetic and figure it out. But no.... yap yap yap yap. The three of them were the epitiome of Hamilton women. That is not a compliment in case you were wondering.
What a bunch of inconsiderate shallow excuses. They could have at least had an interesting conversation if they had to keep me awake. I should have moved once they sat down. I just knew they weren't going to shut up.

Yes I'm grumpy - it's bad enough my body won't cooperate with me to get a good night's sleep but then to have my train snooze so rudely interrupted was beyond belief. Why can't I find a spot on the train that is quiet??? Why why why???

Update on life

2007-10-29T16:35:00.000-04:00

Licorice is doing much better. He's finally figured out we aren't trying to torture him and has figured out how to open his mouth so one of us (mostly p because he's around more then me) can shove little bits of food into his mouth. He's been sleeping with us most nights - he gets very shivery because of the loss of weight.

This past Saturday was a good friend's 5oth and I had promised to break in my chocolate fountain. We went, set it up and hung out for a bit, then had to go home to feed Licorice, with the intent of coming back. The fountain was the hit of the party (other then G's predator mask with accompanying face shield!) until we returned with Licorice in tow. Honestly, nothing phazes that little furball. He was calm and had a ball once he was put on the floor - running around the dining room under the table and in and out of the kitchen. Everybody LOVED him.

We got our china cabinet and table on Friday. While I have managed to clean the crap off the old table (with p's help it must be said) and basically set up the new table the old one is still in there. I hope we can get it out soon and start on de-cluttering the dining room. Photos to come! I must say it looks awesome even in the messy horrible state the room is in!! Hopefully p felt good enough today to do some cleaning.

P was sick on Sunday - miserably so. I had no idea how sick else I wouldn't have left to go to the Creative Sewing and Crafts show at the Metro Convention Centre with L. I came home and realized he'd left the kitchen stove burner on. Fortunately on low and without a pot on it but still... it makes me shudder. Although part of me doesn't feel very sympathetic! That's what you get for going crazy on the chocolate fountain and dipping carrots and broccoli as well as whatever else was SUPPOSED to be dipped in it! But I hate it when he feels rotten - quite frankly it scares me. So it was probably better that I was out to leave him in peace.

Money situation is looking much better I'm soooo relieved. We just need to submit the required junk to the broker and hopefully in a week or so we'll have the new mortgage in place which means way better cash flow and that we can start saving for a cushion.

It's funny, but as p says, things seem to work out -even when I think we are the most desperate all-time low, something happens to get us through. And now we can do better then just getting through which I'm very happy about.

gotta go catch the GO!

Licorice

2007-10-23T09:06:00.000-04:00

I'm scared he won't make it.

Socrates to the Rainbowbridge

2007-10-19T14:32:00.000-04:00

p called me at about 2:20. He'd taken Socrates to the vet. Despite the many doses and two different kinds of antibiotics he is not getting better. He has a third abscess starting on his cheek and the other one has not even begun to drain - except perhaps through his ear. So, the vet felt, as do we, that it is only cruel to keep prolonging the pain. p said that even today it's gotten worse as anytime Socrates is touched he squeeks. Rats never squeek except under extreme duress.
I can't bear it. The poor little mite never harmed anyone. He's never once bitten anyone except his brother and that was in rough and tumble play. But even when we hurt him (to try and make him better) he never bit us. He would just squirm and lick and lick and kiss to try and make us stop.
What's even worse is I can't be there to say good-bye. I asked p to give him kisses for me. But I feel awful for p being there alone and having to drive back by himself with the little body. And I know he's crying.
Please please forgive us Socrates for any of the pain we've put you through. We love you very much and always will. Thank you for the time you have graced our lives with.

Days of Daze

2007-10-16T11:11:00.000-04:00

There are days when I come into the office (like this one) and it feels surreal. Am I really here? Doing this job? It doesn't feel like it's real. And I wonder how I got here and why.

Removal of a millstone around my neck

2007-10-15T11:25:00.000-04:00

On Saturday p and I went to see RF - our mortgage broker. Based on the advice of CH the Saturday we went to see CH. C had suggested we ask for a 35 - 40 year mortgage with a variable rate which should hopefully cover all our debts except for what I owe Dad. If C is right, we should be able to put $500 a month into a money market fund, with the goal of reaching a minimum of $3000. This would still free up our cash flow. We still need to wait until March as that is when our renewal is due. RF said there is no point in incurring a penalty.

RF seems to think it would free up even more cash then CH thought. Not so sure about that myself as my monthly outflow currently exceeds whgt I'm making. We've only gotten as far as we have by judicious raiding of last years stocks and RRSPs. And I have to admit I have resorted in the last month to making some payments for some things (like loan payment) by credit card. Bad - bad bad. I so can't wait to be done with this separate debt. I'm only going to keep the AMEX and CT mastercards and p will keep his VISA.

RF was interesting - and had some good advice. While the bank, the last time we consolidated our debts, essentially told us to get rid of all our credit cards, RF asked "how many credit cards do you need?" The correct answer is one. For emergencies. Preferably emergencies only.

My caveat to that is, if you make a purchase using credit card only do so if you have the cash flow to pay it off immediately. I've know that for a long time and always tried to follow that but it's been absolutely impossible the last few years. Mostly because of the fracas with my former employer's limited health care plan and Trillium. I never should have signed up for the company health care plan because it had a cap of $5000. I was of course past that in three months.

I was at PMH last week to pick up my Gleevec medications. And while I was there I noticed they are selling stones with an inscription. Even before I saw the inscription the magpie in me said "I want". The inscription on the stone is "Gratitude".The stone comes in a little velvet bag with an piece of paper that reads "Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie.

I keep it on my desk on the left side of my computer at work when I am there so I can pick it up and hold it. Maybe the act of holding will help me focus on all the things I am grateful, truly grateful for instead of thinking of the things that cause me despair.

Licorice

2007-10-12T12:16:00.000-04:00

Licorice went to see Dr. P today to have his teeth trimmed. Yesterday when Dr. P saw him he said his teeth have pushed in further then before. He suspects it might be a bone infection - which is really hard to treat and clear up.

Or, even worse, it might be a bone tumour.

Why Licorice? He is the sweetest guinea pig - so full of personality. I helped Widget give birth to him - which p said astonished Dr. P as apparently he's never heard of any of his slaves with gp's witnessing a birth. Licorice is fearless - the bunnies and silly don't phase him at all and he will willingly explore anywhere in the house where the other gps huddle and make messes on the floor out of nerves. We call him Mr. Klicky-Toes because of the sound he makes running around on the hardwood floors and the kitchen laminate.

I named him Licorice because of his colours. He is black and orange - it reminded me of Tiger-tail ice cream, so Licorice it was.

The very first time Licorice went to the vet they were so charmed by him that they asked us where we got him from.

p is going to pick Licorice up in about an hour. He came through the surgery (they had to put him out to trim his molars) and is groggy at the moment. This morning after trying to get some Critical Care (CC) into him i held a handful of rolled oats (the porridge making kind - not instant but not the hour long boiling ones either) and he ate them from my hand. p seems to think that Licorice eats more when I am around. I've spent lots of time feeding him blades of grass one by one. Just to get some fibre into him.

I so love that little guy. It really burns me that he out of all of the gps is the one having the problems. I love them all, but he really holds a special place in my heart. Just like Widget who was my therapy piggie. She died early too. I just don't get it. It makes you want to rage and scream at the powers that be - animals are innocent. Why do they have to have illnesses and suffer.

And then there is Socrates. Which I can't bear to think about how much he is going through yet is still sweet natured and has never once bitten either of us despite the nasty antibiotics we've had to force down him. He does scream which makes both of us feel two inches tall. He's now on his fourth or fifth cyst/abcess. He smells bad all the time because of the necrolyzing junk in the cyst. This one is right on his right cheek. And on top of that he has had a nasty ear infection and is only just healing from the cyst on his belly.

I just can't stand it.

2007-10-11T14:19:00.001-04:00

My Hallowe'en Habits as stolen from Canada

2007-10-11T14:19:00.000-04:00

What Your Halloween Habits Say About You

You're a friendly person, but not the life of the party. You like making someone else's day - and you'll dress up if you think of a really fun costume.

No one quite understands you, but everyone also sort of worships you. And that's exactly how you like it.

Your inner child is stubborn and a bit bossy.

You fear those closest to you finding out who you really are. You dread people discovering your secrets.

You're prone to be quite emotional and over dramatic. Deep down, you enjoy being scared out of your mind... even if you don't admit it.

You are a traditionalist with most aspects of your life. You like your Halloween costume to be basic, well made, and conventional enough to wear another year.

What's Your Halloween Personality?

How many people in the US have my Name? (but what about Canada?)

2007-10-11T09:58:00.000-04:00

HowManyOfMe.com

There are
4
people with my name
in the U.S.A.

How many have your name?

My Vampire Name

2007-10-11T09:54:00.000-04:00

stolen from Canada

Your Vampire Name Is...

Isis the Bloody

What's" Your Vampire Name?

Urban Sprawl

2007-10-07T22:10:00.000-04:00

p and I went to Brampton yesterday (Saturday) to visit a friend to get financial advice from him. That was lovely, we had a nice lunch and got some good advice.

We then decided to go for a drive up Highway 10 as I wanted to see my old barn where I used to ride during high school and p wanted to see an old victorian farmhouse he almost bought with his ex-girlfriend.

I knew Brampton has grown, but it flabbergasted me to see just how much it has grown. Then we drove by the farm and turned around to come back. I am really depressed about this - there was a sign to the south side of what used to be the outdoor ring that had all the jumps in it. The sign said 10.1 acres for sale. It looks like whoever bought the farm from Lynn is selling off some of the property. I also didn't see any horses in the big pasture which looks very overgrown. A lot of work appears to have been done on the house which in my riding days was in terrible condition. I think Lynn spent whatever money she had on the barn and the horses and didn't really care or have enough cash flow to do anything about the house. But it makes me really sad to see them selling part of the property because I know that means a subdivision will probably be built there. And even if the new owners of the property actually do have horses if a subdivision goes up they'll get kicked out eventually because of people complaining about the smell.

I am really upset about the farm - I'm not quite sure how to express how awful and sad it makes me feel to see this happening. And, as always, from the days I was a teenager and living in Brampton, I despise the fact that greed rules and some of the best farmland in Canada, possibly the world is being ruined for crappy new housing and that there are no controls to prevent it. I do not want to be dependent on other countries for my food. It's just wrong. And I so wish I had known that the farm was being sold and that I somehow could have figured out a way to buy it.

Sophocles has gone to the Rainbow Bridge

2007-09-30T22:35:00.000-04:00

Sophocles died in his sleep last night. We buried him in the backyard with Socrates attending. I think he knew or understood. I'm sad, but also relieved for Sophocles - he was blind and had lost the use of his hind legs. Regardless, he was still his loving normal friendly self.

I still remember the time early on when p was cleaning his cage and Sophocles decided he had to tell him who was boss. P says he could see the look of fear yet determination on his face as he marched up and bit P on the finger a good chomp or two.

Last night, p brought him downstairs and we both cuddled him for a good long time. I'm so glad we did that. he was so cold. but very happy to be with us. He lay quietly, snuggled on each of us as we took turns to cuddle with him. I 'm so glad we did that. p had a premonition....

RIP Sophocles. May your time over the Rainbowbridge be full of fun and playtime with all the other little critters crossed before you. I'm sure Thistle, Chervil, Tipple-Scritch, Alec, Loomis, Bruno and Widget are there to greet you as you rejoice in the use of your hind legs and eyes once again. and I know you'll be there to greet us all when it's our time to cross.

I love you little guy. Take care.

For M - A poem to a god-daughter from her god-dad/sun

2007-09-17T16:34:00.000-04:00

Babies get attention cauz they're cute

Babies get attention cauz they can't change themselves

Babies get attention cauz, if you are not looking, they might hurt themselves.

Babies get attention cauz they're too short to reach the milk and, if they try, they spill everything everywhere and it's not their fault but it's you thats gotta clean it up so's you might as well pay attention and avoid the mess and they're cute.

You can't always take babies to movies.

You can't always take babies to the zoo, or swimming or to play baseball, fly a kite, make a telescope to look through and watch the stars or a microscope to see tiny little swimmers, or hairs, or a leaf, or butterfly dust.

Then there is the ballet, the horse show, the real wood doll house store with giant doll houses that are too expensive to own but fun to look at.

And, all the other fun things to see and do that take patience, attention, and concentration to enjoy.

from one of your God Daddiesand your god son -- or is that sun

P.S. Babies make lousy Pirates -- they are too cute and people confronting a pirate baby don't scream as they should, or run, or hide. Instead they make yucky cooing noises and stick their big hairy faces near the pirate baby's faces and only scream when bitten on the nose.

Life's To Do List

2007-09-13T11:25:00.000-04:00

BOLD means yes, I have done this
** means I really really want to do this
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins**
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive**
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid**
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped (no freaking way!)
11. Visited Paris**
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea**
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights **
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa**
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg**
19. Slept under the stars**
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon**
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb**
33. Seen an eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 10 provinces or all 50 states**
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales (Boston whale watching)
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe**
47. Taken a road-trip**
48. Gone rock climbing**
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving ( I repeat – no freaking way!)
51. Visited Ireland**
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan**
55. Milked a cow**
56. Alphabetized your cds (good god I have a library degree - of course I've alphabetized them!)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving**
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China**
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites**
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie (does a music video and a student commercial count?)
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice**
80. Gotten a tattoo**
81. Rafted the Snake Dead River**
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand**
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship**
94. Spoken more than one language fluently**
95. Performed in aisles at Rocky Horror
96. Raised children**
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour**
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country**
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari**
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild**
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon**
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states**
124. Visited all 7 continents**
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days**
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read**
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream**
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts**
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life

where am I going?

2007-09-06T10:28:00.000-04:00

I wish I knew. I have a great job, but I'm restless, unmotivated. I would rather be doing something else, I'm just not sure what. There are three constants in my life - music, horses and books - and yet I'm not doing much music, I'm not riding or near horses, and when I do read, it only seems to be trashy novels for the most part. Hardly the sort of stuff good as a steady diet.

I'm in debt past my eyeballs, and I hate it. I worry about how to pay the next few bills. p doesn't bring in steady cash - but I knew that when I married him. And I DON"T want to pressure him into things he doesn't want to do anymore but at the same time, I really want to start digging a way out of the $$$ hole. Even if I could access every single penny of what I have at work but am not fully vested in, it would barely make a dent.... A decent sized dent nevertheless, but then I would have nothing saved at all.

What's worse? Big debt and some savings or slightly less big debt and no savings.

I love the house - but wish it was less cluttered and messy. Wish I didn't have as long a commute as I do - yet at least I get an extra hour of sleep in the morning on the way in, and if I can get a seat, I can stitch on the way home.

I love my little critters dearly.... they live far too short lives. And they are a substitute in a way (which doesn't negate my love at all) for the child/children i can't have.

And there is still an anger within at the things I somehow feel have been stolen from me through illness. I know there are plenty of blessings because of the illness that wouldn't have happened in a "normal" course of health or life - but I wouldn't know I was missing them would I?

Maybe it's just me, who I am. I'm just never satisfied with anything long term. I wish I could find a one true abiding passion and become obsessively compulsively wrapped up in it - if that would equate happiness, I don't know either.

And the capper is when people indicate they are impressed with how I've handled things. Handled? I've just scraped through them as I can hoping to come through the other side with out destroying anyone. I think I don't know when to stop. Which is arguably a good thing.

Cool Map of the World Wide Web

2007-09-05T11:31:00.001-04:00

Wishing my middle didn't exist

2007-09-05T10:10:00.001-04:00

For the last few weeks I've had the most acquaintance with the bathroom then I have probably had at least in the last couple of years. Not sure if it is related to the pred slowly exiting my body and therefore my intestines are all buggered up. Definitely wonder as it's been seven years that I have not been able to wean off and stay off. I really really hope I manage to stay off so that I don't look like a total freak anymore.
I had roti for lunch yesterday - split with LG. Breakfast was peanut butter & jam on toast and I didn't eat dinner last night although I did eat three of those rice cakes - the chocolate kind. This morning same breakfast and lunch is carrots and and a sandwich made out of lovely bread (same as toast last two days) of walnut and raisins with chicken flakes/mayo as the filling. I suppose I ought to track what I eat and see if there seems to be a connection.

And, silly me, I have this huge crush on someone. Sigh - not that I love my hubby any less - and not that I would ever do anything about it, but it almost feels like beening a teenager again and I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing!
Someone complimented me on my writing - which makes me feel really good as I didn't think the writing was as it was all off the top of my head and literally from brain to html if you will.
It's the second day back and work and I'm thinking I must be the most ungrateful person ever - have a great job, like my coworkers - but I STILL don't want to work..... and the funny thing is I think going to work is what actually gets me up and moving in the mornings. I should be grateful there is something to motivate me regardless of how I'm feeling!
And I have to say, like another addiction I have, it's all Canada's fault I'm back into trying this blogger thing anonymously. It never even occurred to me to do it anonymously. Although, I supposed if you really wanted to and had some computer know-how you could work it out. I highly doubt that anyone would be interested enough to do so fortunately! I really ought to be working, that's where I am and I've been so unmotivated since my holidays ended. My feelings of wishing I didn't have to work have only strengthened since then. Hopefully, this too will pass!

Passports

2004-09-19T13:53:00.000-04:00

Gotta go get my passport photos taken.

And, this printer is taking way too long to print this form, and I don't even know if it will be in an acceptable format because someone changed all the printer settings - why would you have A4 as a default paper I don' know!

And, I'm hungry - there is a meeting going on now after the church service to brainstorm about the future and what it might/could/will look like over the next four years. Me, I find it hard to imagine Holy Trinity without Sara, but I know that is the reality of churches and their incumbents. You don't have them forever......

It's the weekend!

2004-09-18T21:29:00.000-04:00

Boy, I'm really going great guns on this blog thingie.

Started a new job which I really like.

My commute is half of what it used to be! And I'm going to the ARMA conference in Long Beach and work is paying for it!

YAY!

July 8, 2004

2004-07-08T10:50:00.000-04:00

Thought I should post something! Created this blog and have nothing to say! It's Thursday. Had clinic today and Dr. Lipton seems pleased. Things are chugging right along.

Just got to get the rest of my life settled!