16 Years‏

Today is the anniversary of my diagnosis with CML. Chronic myelogenous leukemia. It's been 16 years and there have been so many bumps and lifts and love and learning along the way. I spent the weekend at this time in 1993 in the hospital in Brampton. It was Peel Memorial then, now the William Osler Health Centre (I think). It was notorious in Brampton for being an awful hospital but I have no complaints - even despite the way the nurse in emerg blurted out oh you're the one with leukemia. And I didn't know at that point. That's where I met Shirley who was my room mate and made friends. That's where I had a surfeit of peanut butter & smartie blizzards because there is a DQ just down the street and my mum was determined to feed me to make me put weight back on I guess! And take out from the Olive Garden - also relatively near by.And jen's reaction when I called to tell her. She said: "F@&k off". I don't blame her. I wouldn't have believed it either. I didn't believe it - should have known from all the hints Dr. Goldberg was giving when I spoke with him that day on the phone. He had called me to say there were some issues with my bloodwork and he needed me to come into the hospital for some more tests. And the real drag of that weekend - other then being told I had leukemia, CANCER - was that I had tickets to go see a taping of Kids in the Hall. Yes, that's right, I didn't get to go. But my substitute got me a t-shirt as a consolation prize. Reminds me a little of Deb - a friend from the BMT list - she had to miss being on Wheel of Fortune. Except that she later did get to go and compete on the show. Anyway, here I am 16 years later. And there have been many good things and people holding me up along the way. And I just want to say thank you to you all because you have all been there at different times and in different ways and you have all kept me on my feet through difficult and interesting times.

Oooh - I have butterflies in my stomach...

Today the butterflies are in my stomach instead of flying around me as they were at the Niagara Butterfly Conservatory last Saturday.

I just received a phone call from AS at my former workplace - she was calling to give me a heads up that I would be receiving a phone call from the HR hiring manager. Also that AS is working with HR to create a possible second role for a senior analyst for which she would like to consider my application for. I'm very excited. Now I must go do mucho research on the topics of anti-money laundering and the Bank Act.

Woo hoo!!!

I've only told p (who of course I called immediately) and he is going to tell the beckster. And of course I've written it down here in semi-code.

Okay - off I go to research!

Removal of a millstone around my neck

On Saturday p and I went to see RF - our mortgage broker. Based on the advice of CH the Saturday we went to see CH. C had suggested we ask for a 35 - 40 year mortgage with a variable rate which should hopefully cover all our debts except for what I owe Dad. If C is right, we should be able to put $500 a month into a money market fund, with the goal of reaching a minimum of $3000. This would still free up our cash flow. We still need to wait until March as that is when our renewal is due. RF said there is no point in incurring a penalty.

RF seems to think it would free up even more cash then CH thought. Not so sure about that myself as my monthly outflow currently exceeds whgt I'm making. We've only gotten as far as we have by judicious raiding of last years stocks and RRSPs. And I have to admit I have resorted in the last month to making some payments for some things (like loan payment) by credit card. Bad - bad bad. I so can't wait to be done with this separate debt. I'm only going to keep the AMEX and CT mastercards and p will keep his VISA.

RF was interesting - and had some good advice. While the bank, the last time we consolidated our debts, essentially told us to get rid of all our credit cards, RF asked "how many credit cards do you need?" The correct answer is one. For emergencies. Preferably emergencies only.

My caveat to that is, if you make a purchase using credit card only do so if you have the cash flow to pay it off immediately. I've know that for a long time and always tried to follow that but it's been absolutely impossible the last few years. Mostly because of the fracas with my former employer's limited health care plan and Trillium. I never should have signed up for the company health care plan because it had a cap of $5000. I was of course past that in three months.

I was at PMH last week to pick up my Gleevec medications. And while I was there I noticed they are selling stones with an inscription. Even before I saw the inscription the magpie in me said "I want". The inscription on the stone is "Gratitude".The stone comes in a little velvet bag with an piece of paper that reads "Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow." Melody Beattie.

I keep it on my desk on the left side of my computer at work when I am there so I can pick it up and hold it. Maybe the act of holding will help me focus on all the things I am grateful, truly grateful for instead of thinking of the things that cause me despair.