Sophocles died in his sleep last night. We buried him in the backyard with Socrates attending. I think he knew or understood. I'm sad, but also relieved for Sophocles - he was blind and had lost the use of his hind legs. Regardless, he was still his loving normal friendly self.
I still remember the time early on when p was cleaning his cage and Sophocles decided he had to tell him who was boss. P says he could see the look of fear yet determination on his face as he marched up and bit P on the finger a good chomp or two.
Last night, p brought him downstairs and we both cuddled him for a good long time. I'm so glad we did that. he was so cold. but very happy to be with us. He lay quietly, snuggled on each of us as we took turns to cuddle with him. I 'm so glad we did that. p had a premonition....
RIP Sophocles. May your time over the Rainbowbridge be full of fun and playtime with all the other little critters crossed before you. I'm sure Thistle, Chervil, Tipple-Scritch, Alec, Loomis, Bruno and Widget are there to greet you as you rejoice in the use of your hind legs and eyes once again. and I know you'll be there to greet us all when it's our time to cross.
I love you little guy. Take care.
Sunday, September 30, 2007
Monday, September 17, 2007
For M - A poem to a god-daughter from her god-dad/sun
Babies get attention cauz they're cute
Babies get attention cauz they can't change themselves
Babies get attention cauz, if you are not looking, they might hurt themselves.
Babies get attention cauz they're too short to reach the milk and, if they try, they spill everything everywhere and it's not their fault but it's you thats gotta clean it up so's you might as well pay attention and avoid the mess and they're cute.
You can't always take babies to movies.
You can't always take babies to the zoo, or swimming or to play baseball, fly a kite, make a telescope to look through and watch the stars or a microscope to see tiny little swimmers, or hairs, or a leaf, or butterfly dust.
Then there is the ballet, the horse show, the real wood doll house store with giant doll houses that are too expensive to own but fun to look at.
And, all the other fun things to see and do that take patience, attention, and concentration to enjoy.
from one of your God Daddiesand your god son -- or is that sun
P.S. Babies make lousy Pirates -- they are too cute and people confronting a pirate baby don't scream as they should, or run, or hide. Instead they make yucky cooing noises and stick their big hairy faces near the pirate baby's faces and only scream when bitten on the nose.
Thursday, September 13, 2007
Life's To Do List
BOLD means yes, I have done this
** means I really really want to do this
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins**
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive**
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid**
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped (no freaking way!)
11. Visited Paris**
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea**
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights **
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa**
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg**
19. Slept under the stars**
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon**
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb**
33. Seen an eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 10 provinces or all 50 states**
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales (Boston whale watching)
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe**
47. Taken a road-trip**
48. Gone rock climbing**
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving ( I repeat – no freaking way!)
51. Visited Ireland**
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan**
55. Milked a cow**
56. Alphabetized your cds (good god I have a library degree - of course I've alphabetized them!)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving**
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China**
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites**
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie (does a music video and a student commercial count?)
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice**
80. Gotten a tattoo**
81. Rafted the Snake Dead River**
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand**
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship**
94. Spoken more than one language fluently**
95. Performed in aisles at Rocky Horror
96. Raised children**
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour**
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country**
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari**
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild**
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon**
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states**
124. Visited all 7 continents**
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days**
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read**
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream**
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts**
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life
** means I really really want to do this
01. Bought everyone in the bar a drink
02. Swam with wild dolphins**
03. Climbed a mountain
04. Taken a Ferrari for a test drive**
05. Been inside the Great Pyramid**
06. Held a tarantula
07. Taken a candlelit bath with someone
08. Said 'I love you' and meant it
09. Hugged a tree
10. Bungee jumped (no freaking way!)
11. Visited Paris**
12. Watched a lightning storm at sea**
13. Stayed up all night long and saw the sun rise
14. Seen the Northern Lights **
15. Gone to a huge sports game
16. Walked the stairs to the top of the leaning Tower of Pisa**
17. Grown and eaten your own vegetables
18. Touched an iceberg**
19. Slept under the stars**
20. Changed a baby's diaper
21. Taken a trip in a hot air balloon**
22. Watched a meteor shower
23. Gotten drunk on champagne
24. Given more than you can afford to charity
25. Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
26. Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
27. Had a food fight
28. Bet on a winning horse
29. Asked out a stranger
30. Had a snowball fight
31. Screamed as loudly as you possibly can
32. Held a lamb**
33. Seen an eclipse
34. Ridden a roller coaster
35. Hit a home run
36. Danced like a fool and not cared who was looking
37. Adopted an accent for an entire day
38. Actually felt happy about your life, even for just a moment
39. Had two hard drives for your computer
40. Visited all 10 provinces or all 50 states**
41. Taken care of someone who was drunk
42. Had amazing friends
43. Danced with a stranger in a foreign country
44. Watched wild whales (Boston whale watching)
45. Stolen a sign
46. Backpacked in Europe**
47. Taken a road-trip**
48. Gone rock climbing**
49. Midnight walk on the beach
50. Gone sky diving ( I repeat – no freaking way!)
51. Visited Ireland**
52. Been heartbroken longer than you were actually in love
53. In a restaurant, sat at a stranger's table and had a meal with them
54. Visited Japan**
55. Milked a cow**
56. Alphabetized your cds (good god I have a library degree - of course I've alphabetized them!)
57. Pretended to be a superhero
58. Sung karaoke
59. Lounged around in bed all day
60. Posed nude in front of strangers
61. Gone scuba diving**
62. Kissed in the rain
63. Played in the mud
64. Played in the rain
65. Gone to a drive-in theater
66. Visited the Great Wall of China**
67. Started a business
68. Fallen in love and not had your heart broken
69. Toured ancient sites**
70. Taken a martial arts class
71. Played D&D for 6 hours straight
72. Gotten married
73. Been in a movie (does a music video and a student commercial count?)
74. Crashed a party
75. Gotten divorced
76. Gone without food for 5 days
77. Made cookies from scratch
78. Won first prize in a costume contest
79. Ridden a gondola in Venice**
80. Gotten a tattoo**
81. Rafted the Snake Dead River**
82. Been on television news programs as an "expert"
83. Got flowers for no reason
84. Performed on stage
85. Been to Las Vegas
86. Recorded music
87. Eaten shark
88. Had a one-night stand
89. Gone to Thailand**
90. Bought a house
91. Been in a combat zone
92. Buried one of your parents
93. Been on a cruise ship**
94. Spoken more than one language fluently**
95. Performed in aisles at Rocky Horror
96. Raised children**
97. Followed your favorite band/singer on tour**
98. Created and named your own constellation of stars
99. Taken an exotic bicycle tour in a foreign country**
100. Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
101. Walked the Golden Gate Bridge
102. Sang loudly in the car, and didn't stop when you knew someone was looking
103. Had plastic surgery
104. Survived an illness that you shouldn't have survived
105. Wrote articles for a large publication
106. Lost over 100 pounds
107. Held someone while they were having a flashback
108. Piloted an airplane
109. Petted a stingray
110. Broken someone's heart
111. Helped an animal give birth
112. Won money on a T.V. game show
113. Broken a bone
114. Gone on an African photo safari**
115. Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
116. Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
117. Eaten mushrooms that were gathered in the wild**
118. Ridden a horse
119. Had major surgery
120. Had a snake as a pet
121. Hiked to the bottom of the Grand Canyon**
122. Slept for more than 30 hours over the course of 48 hours
123. Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states**
124. Visited all 7 continents**
125. Taken a canoe trip that lasted more than 2 days**
126. Eaten kangaroo meat
127. Eaten sushi
128. Had your picture in the newspaper
129. Changed someone's mind about something you care deeply about
130. Gone back to school
131. Parasailed
132. Petted a cockroach
133. Eaten fried green tomatoes
134. Read The Iliad
135. Selected one "important" author who you missed in school, and read**
136. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
137. Skipped all your school reunions
138. Communicated with someone without sharing a common spoken language
139. Been elected to public office
140. Written your own computer language
141. Thought to yourself that you're living your dream**
142. Had to put someone you love into hospice care
143. Built your own PC from parts**
144. Sold your own artwork to someone who didn't know you
145. Had a booth at a street fair
146: Dyed your hair
147: Been a DJ
148: Shaved your head
149: Caused a car accident
150: Saved someone's life
Thursday, September 06, 2007
where am I going?
I wish I knew. I have a great job, but I'm restless, unmotivated. I would rather be doing something else, I'm just not sure what. There are three constants in my life - music, horses and books - and yet I'm not doing much music, I'm not riding or near horses, and when I do read, it only seems to be trashy novels for the most part. Hardly the sort of stuff good as a steady diet.
I'm in debt past my eyeballs, and I hate it. I worry about how to pay the next few bills. p doesn't bring in steady cash - but I knew that when I married him. And I DON"T want to pressure him into things he doesn't want to do anymore but at the same time, I really want to start digging a way out of the $$$ hole. Even if I could access every single penny of what I have at work but am not fully vested in, it would barely make a dent.... A decent sized dent nevertheless, but then I would have nothing saved at all.
What's worse? Big debt and some savings or slightly less big debt and no savings.
I love the house - but wish it was less cluttered and messy. Wish I didn't have as long a commute as I do - yet at least I get an extra hour of sleep in the morning on the way in, and if I can get a seat, I can stitch on the way home.
I love my little critters dearly.... they live far too short lives. And they are a substitute in a way (which doesn't negate my love at all) for the child/children i can't have.
And there is still an anger within at the things I somehow feel have been stolen from me through illness. I know there are plenty of blessings because of the illness that wouldn't have happened in a "normal" course of health or life - but I wouldn't know I was missing them would I?
Maybe it's just me, who I am. I'm just never satisfied with anything long term. I wish I could find a one true abiding passion and become obsessively compulsively wrapped up in it - if that would equate happiness, I don't know either.
And the capper is when people indicate they are impressed with how I've handled things. Handled? I've just scraped through them as I can hoping to come through the other side with out destroying anyone. I think I don't know when to stop. Which is arguably a good thing.
I'm in debt past my eyeballs, and I hate it. I worry about how to pay the next few bills. p doesn't bring in steady cash - but I knew that when I married him. And I DON"T want to pressure him into things he doesn't want to do anymore but at the same time, I really want to start digging a way out of the $$$ hole. Even if I could access every single penny of what I have at work but am not fully vested in, it would barely make a dent.... A decent sized dent nevertheless, but then I would have nothing saved at all.
What's worse? Big debt and some savings or slightly less big debt and no savings.
I love the house - but wish it was less cluttered and messy. Wish I didn't have as long a commute as I do - yet at least I get an extra hour of sleep in the morning on the way in, and if I can get a seat, I can stitch on the way home.
I love my little critters dearly.... they live far too short lives. And they are a substitute in a way (which doesn't negate my love at all) for the child/children i can't have.
And there is still an anger within at the things I somehow feel have been stolen from me through illness. I know there are plenty of blessings because of the illness that wouldn't have happened in a "normal" course of health or life - but I wouldn't know I was missing them would I?
Maybe it's just me, who I am. I'm just never satisfied with anything long term. I wish I could find a one true abiding passion and become obsessively compulsively wrapped up in it - if that would equate happiness, I don't know either.
And the capper is when people indicate they are impressed with how I've handled things. Handled? I've just scraped through them as I can hoping to come through the other side with out destroying anyone. I think I don't know when to stop. Which is arguably a good thing.
Wednesday, September 05, 2007
Wishing my middle didn't exist
For the last few weeks I've had the most acquaintance with the bathroom then I have probably had at least in the last couple of years. Not sure if it is related to the pred slowly exiting my body and therefore my intestines are all buggered up. Definitely wonder as it's been seven years that I have not been able to wean off and stay off. I really really hope I manage to stay off so that I don't look like a total freak anymore.
I had roti for lunch yesterday - split with LG. Breakfast was peanut butter & jam on toast and I didn't eat dinner last night although I did eat three of those rice cakes - the chocolate kind. This morning same breakfast and lunch is carrots and and a sandwich made out of lovely bread (same as toast last two days) of walnut and raisins with chicken flakes/mayo as the filling. I suppose I ought to track what I eat and see if there seems to be a connection.
And, silly me, I have this huge crush on someone. Sigh - not that I love my hubby any less - and not that I would ever do anything about it, but it almost feels like beening a teenager again and I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing!
Someone complimented me on my writing - which makes me feel really good as I didn't think the writing was as it was all off the top of my head and literally from brain to html if you will.
It's the second day back and work and I'm thinking I must be the most ungrateful person ever - have a great job, like my coworkers - but I STILL don't want to work..... and the funny thing is I think going to work is what actually gets me up and moving in the mornings. I should be grateful there is something to motivate me regardless of how I'm feeling!
And I have to say, like another addiction I have, it's all Canada's fault I'm back into trying this blogger thing anonymously. It never even occurred to me to do it anonymously. Although, I supposed if you really wanted to and had some computer know-how you could work it out. I highly doubt that anyone would be interested enough to do so fortunately! I really ought to be working, that's where I am and I've been so unmotivated since my holidays ended. My feelings of wishing I didn't have to work have only strengthened since then. Hopefully, this too will pass!
I had roti for lunch yesterday - split with LG. Breakfast was peanut butter & jam on toast and I didn't eat dinner last night although I did eat three of those rice cakes - the chocolate kind. This morning same breakfast and lunch is carrots and and a sandwich made out of lovely bread (same as toast last two days) of walnut and raisins with chicken flakes/mayo as the filling. I suppose I ought to track what I eat and see if there seems to be a connection.
And, silly me, I have this huge crush on someone. Sigh - not that I love my hubby any less - and not that I would ever do anything about it, but it almost feels like beening a teenager again and I'm not sure that's necessarily a good thing!
Someone complimented me on my writing - which makes me feel really good as I didn't think the writing was as it was all off the top of my head and literally from brain to html if you will.
It's the second day back and work and I'm thinking I must be the most ungrateful person ever - have a great job, like my coworkers - but I STILL don't want to work..... and the funny thing is I think going to work is what actually gets me up and moving in the mornings. I should be grateful there is something to motivate me regardless of how I'm feeling!
And I have to say, like another addiction I have, it's all Canada's fault I'm back into trying this blogger thing anonymously. It never even occurred to me to do it anonymously. Although, I supposed if you really wanted to and had some computer know-how you could work it out. I highly doubt that anyone would be interested enough to do so fortunately! I really ought to be working, that's where I am and I've been so unmotivated since my holidays ended. My feelings of wishing I didn't have to work have only strengthened since then. Hopefully, this too will pass!
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